SCOTT BAKER PITCHES WELL
MICHIGAN IS OVERRATED

CHUPACABRA CAPTURED!

By / 09.01.07

You may remember the Chief referred to Tony Parker's new bride as a "Chupacabra", a mythical blood-sucking beast.  Well, one has been captured near San Antonio:

Phylis Canion lived in Africa for four years. She's been a hunter all her life and has the mounted heads of a zebra and other exotic animals in her house to prove it. But the roadkill she found last month outside her ranch was a new one even for her, worth putting in a freezer hidden from curious onlookers: Canion believes she may have the head of the mythical, bloodsucking chupacabra. "It is one ugly creature," Canion said, holding the head of the mammal, which has big ears, large fanged teeth and grayish-blue, mostly hairless skin. Canion and some of her neighbors discovered the 40-pound bodies of three of the animals over four days in July outside her ranch in Cuero, 80 miles southeast of San Antonio . . . "I've seen a lot of nasty stuff. I've never seen anything like this," she said.

I think we can safely assume one of those 40-pound bodies was the drained corpse of Tony Parker.  Well, at least I hope that's the case.  I would also advise Ms. Canion not to be fooled by the wily chupacabra because it's just playing possum.  These blood-letters often employ this tactic to lull their prey into a fall sense of security.  You'll assume they're dead especially after appearing in a soft-core skin flick, but then they diabolically return to life on network TV. -KD


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