There are a few things I know about Dave Coulier. He used to be a stand-up comedian that did a lot of silly voices. He was Animal on The Muppet Babies (after Howie Mandel left). He was Peter Venkman in all those Ghostbusters cartoons. He played Uncle Joey on Full House for eight years, and Alanis Morissette WENT DOWN ON HIM IN A THEATER.
Dave Coulier always seemed liked a guy who is, in real life, exactly as he appears on television. The fact that he was the subject of an Alanis Morissette song about a sh*tty ex-boyfriend — SOMETHING HE HAS ADMITTED TO ON AT LEAST TWO OCCASIONS — was the most interesting thing about him, because it suggested there were layers to Dave Coulier. That there was more to him than funny voices, that he was the kind of guy capable of breaking Alanis Morissette’s heart and leaving her a mess, and who — let’s admit it — was way out of Dave Coulier’s league. HE WAS MR. DUPLICITY.
Apparently not. More than 20 years after the song was released, Coulier finally admits that the song wasn’t about him, and that he was basically manipulating us all into believing he was a more interesting person than he actually is.
As he tells Buzzfeed:
I dated Alanis in 1992. You know, it’s just funny to be the supposed subject of that song. First of all, the guy in that song is a real a-hole, so I don’t want to be that guy. Secondly, I asked Alanis, “I’m getting calls by the media and they want to know who this guy is.” And she said, “Well, you know it could be a bunch of people. But you can say whatever you want.” So one time, I was doing a red carpet somewhere and [the press] just wore me down and everybody wanted to know so I said, “Yeah, all right, I’m the guy. There I said it.” So then it became a snowball effect of, “OH! So you are the guy!”
It’s just become this silly urban legend that I just have to laugh at.
That’s so disappointing. Here was a guy who got blowjobs in theaters, cheated on his hot Canadian girlfriend, and was apparently a great enough lover that women scratched their nails down his back. But NO. He’s just a guy who does voices. YOU LIED TO US UNCLE JOEY.
I give this news eight Manning faces.