Lessons From ‘True Detective’: Don’t Leave Important Paperwork Unattended During An Orgy

In addition to our weekly recaps of True Detective this season, we will also be pulling out important life lessons that you, the viewer, can learn from the events of each episode. These lessons will range from helpful to very, very not helpful. You are welcome.

Look, can I see the allure of doing important business transactions in the office of a mansion during a fancy high-end orgy? Of course. The secrecy, the exclusivity, the illicit nature of the whole thing, it must be tempting. You call someone in while you’re sitting at your desk gently swirling a snifter of brandy, you briefly discuss terms, one of you says, “I trust everything here is in order,” the other says “Of course, are we not gentleman?” then you both sit in large leather chairs and smoke cigars as a flesh anarchy rages on just outside the door. Maybe one of you pops open a briefcase filled with money and turns it toward the other. You know, like in a movie.

Are there issues with doing business at an orgy? Well, sure. For one thing, I don’t know if I’d enjoy watching someone live out their debaucherous Caligulan fantasies moments after we locked ourselves into binding legal agreement involving large sums of money. I think that’s an image I’d have trouble getting out of my head when we meet later in a less salacious setting to continue our business. And what if something goes wrong at the last minute and the deal falls apart? Then the whole orgy is ruined for the both of you. Who wants that? Although maybe if you do business for a few minutes, you can write off the whole orgy on your taxes. Plenty to consider, I suppose.

But my point here is this: If you’re going to do it, if you’re going to do potentially incriminating business deals during an orgy, I really must recommend that you not leave the paperwork unattended when you’re done.

Look at poor Blake up there. Poor, poor Blake. What was his biggest crime, really? Dreaming? Shooting for a star that was just out of reach? All those crimes he committed? It’s hard to say. The guy saw his shot, his one big shot, and he took it. And it all fell apart because someone stuffed some incriminating papers in a drawer and walked away during the orgy he organized, leaving them right there for anyone — one of the many underworld figures in attendance; an ambitious prostitute; a closeted, former Special Ops, disgraced highway patrolman working an off-the-books law enforcement operation; anyone — to waltz in and make off with them. With those names on the page, right there in black ink, he was a goner.

Now, the temptation here is to step back and look at all the other ways this could have been avoided. He could have not double-crossed Frank. He could have not organized high-end orgies full of drugged-up prostitutes who have been put through painful surgical procedures to satisfy morally and criminally corrupt men of influence. He could have taken night classes at community college and gotten a nice, safe job working at a local accounting firm. But, if we’re being honest here, none of those things were ever going to happen. Blake was always going to be in that orgy mansion double-crossing Frank. He’s a duplicitous weasel with a weasel face. Asking him to behave differently would be like asking Nic Pizzolatto to not have one of the prostitutes on his show try to gratuitously drive home the theme of this season with a line like, “Everything is f*cking.” We are who we are.

In a way, this all circles back around to a previous lesson we discussed: The thing about finding a good hiding spot for you secret stash of war money. Paul left his bag of money in a cabinet in his mom’s trailer, and with it spent and gone on drugs and booze and lottery tickets (one presumes), he had no stake or possible escape. With no savings, he had to be all-in on the cop thing, which led him to Blake’s orgy, where he found the paperwork that was left for the taking. Conceivably, they could both be alive if they had run to Lowe’s and bought a safe at some point.

Anyway, what kind of secret orgy mansion office doesn’t have a safe built into the wall behind a painting or something? For the love of God, Blake. At least make sure a goon is in the room. Be a good host. It’s like I have to do everything for the people on this show.

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