Bill Burr doesn’t like a lot of things. Shari’s Berries, Katy Perry in a bikini pouring water on her f*cking head, Roger Goodell, domestic violence campaigns, pie crust that isn’t homemade. But he really doesn’t like fast food, which he calls a “government conspiracy.” And yet, he feels bad for McDonald’s. Why would anyone feel bad for a multi-billion dollar corporation that serves immortal food? Because “they allowed fat people to blame them.”
“The second they made the salad,” Burr told Jimmy Fallon, “it was over.” It’s not McDonald’s fault that you’re fat; it’s your fault for ordering a Big Mac, fries, large soda, 10-piece Chicken McNuggets, and a McFlurry (memo to self: order a Big Mac, fries, large soda, 10-piece Chicken McNuggets, and a McFlurry for dinner tonight). And Burr wasn’t even done. He accurately pointed out that McDonald’s is “for kids and when you’re getting hammered,” and they’ve lost their identity, like “watching a comedian apologize to a blogger.”
You have nothing to say sorry about, Bill Burr. Unless you come after the spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy’s. Then we have an issue. Here’s an online-only clip from his Tonight Show appearance, about the worst he ever bombed.