Hey, are you stressed out? About, oh, I don’t know, anything in the news or your life or the state of the world, in general? Cool. Well, wait, not “cool” like “good.” “Cool” like “you are in the right mindset to dig what about to happen here and also have a lot in common with Billy Bob Thornton.”
You see, Billy Bob Thornton — star of a number of movies and TV shows, including Bad Santa and Fargo and the new Amazon series Goliath, all of which he is excellent in — is often really anxious and stressed out. You can read all about it in GQ’s latest cover story, and you should, because it contains lines like “Why wouldn’t you be afraid of a Komodo dragon? It’s a dragon. It’s a dinosaur.” It also contains this passage, which brings us back to the thing about you being stressed out.
A lot of living with Billy involves helping to manage his anxiety. There’s a channel on cable called DOGTV, and it’s for dogs; dog owners leave it on while they’re away. I’ve seen it. It contains really nutso psychedelic images of rainbows, but also just some footage of dogs sniffing each other’s undercarriages. Someone who is really tapped into the whole canine psyche came up with it—dogs are mesmerized by it. So is Billy Bob Thornton. When Billy gets anxious, he sits with his Cavalier King Charles spaniel on his lap, and he tries to ride the current of DOGTV.
Now, the first thing I want you to do is picture Billy Bob Thornton — Lorne Malvo, himself — sitting in an easy chair watching dogs frolicking about, because that is like six or seven different kinds of strange. But after you’ve done that for maybe 40 or 45 minutes, skip on over to the DOGTV YouTube channel (or the channel on your TV if you’ve shelled out the $5/mo for it, or are lucky enough to have it included in your package), and watch some of the videos on there. Here are a few examples…
Billy Bob Thornton is a wise man.