The United States plays its first match in the 2014 World Cup tonight, and by most accounts from most experts, we are totally screwed. We find ourselves in what is referred to as the “Group of Death” alongside traditional powers Germany and Portugal, as well as Ghaha, who is both our first opponent and the country that has knocked us out of the last two World Cups. This seems bad. (<— Expert soccer analysis.)
BUT. THERE’S SOME GOOD NEWS.
The people at Animal Planet have set up a “World Pup” bracket on their website that allows users to vote for dogs representing 16 of the countries in this year’s World Cup. It is a silly, pointless contest that has no bearing on anything other than increasing traffic to the Animal Planet website. WE HAVE TO WIN. The United States is represented by the Alaskan Malamute. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Malamutes.
Malamutes are very fond of people, a trait that makes them particularly sought-after family dogs, but unreliable watchdogs. Malamutes are nimble around furniture and smaller items, making them ideal house dogs, provided they get plenty of time outdoors meeting their considerable exercise requirements. If they are year-round outdoor dogs, letting them play in a baby pool filled with cold water in summer keeps them cool. In the winter, they love snow.
What’s that you say? You’d like to see an Alaskan Malamute play in a baby pool filled with cold water? Gotcha covered.Subscribe to UPROXX
USA! USA! USA!
One note in closing: “World Pup” is also the title of the third movie in the Air Bud franchise. Here is the plot description, again via Wikipedia.
Teenager Josh Framm’s mother, Jackie, has just married her veterinarian boyfriend, Patrick Sullivan. Josh and his best friend, Tom Stewart, have just made their school’s soccer team when their coach reveals that their team will become co-ed. Josh meets Emma, an attractive girl who just moved with her family from England; and not only will she be playing on his soccer team, but she also has a golden retriever named Molly. Molly quickly has puppies with Josh’s basketball and football-playing dog, Buddy. Next, it is discovered that Buddy also has the uncanny ability to play soccer. Buddy has a uniform and is on the roster, leading Josh’s soccer team to the state championship. However, trouble occurs when Buddy’s five newborn puppies are kidnapped by a man called Snerbert (Martin Ferrero) who wants to sell them for cash.
That has nothing to do with anything. I just wanted you to know.