John Oliver’s Epic Rant On The Paris Attacks Could Be Everything You Wanted To Say

11.16.15 2 years ago 28 Comments

On Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight, valiant host John Oliver took on the terrorist attacks on Paris, which have resulted in French airstrikes against ISIS targets in Syria. Oliver did well to launch some missiles of his own in the form of his trademark verbal barbs.

Oliver’s turn on the subject follows a few other late-night hosts’ handling of the matter. Stephen Colbert delivered a staggeringly emotional response to the senseless carnage, while Bill Maher held a civilized panel discussion on the matter. Oliver had a different agenda, which was to let his thoughts hang out in the most profane manner.

The host has taken on many tough topics with the Syrian refugee crisis being just one example. When confronting the terrorists who attacked the City of Light, Oliver thanked his good graces that HBO hosted the show. For that reason alone, he was able to “offer you a moment of premium cable profanity.” Oliver delivered a rant as only he could, and oddly, the sentiment did not drown in this ocean of expletives:

“Here is where things stand: As of now, we know this attack was carried out by gigantic f*cking assholes. Unconscionable flaming assholes. Possibly working with other f*cking assholes. Definately working in service of an ideology of pure assholery. Second, and this goes almost without saying: F*ck these assholes. F*ck them, if I may say, sideways.

“And third, it is important to remember, nothing about what these assholes are trying to do is going to work. France is going to endure and I’ll tell you why. If you are in a war of culture and lifestyle with France, good f*cking luck. Go ahead, bring your bankrupt ideology. They’ll bring Jean-Paul Sartre, Edith Piaf, fine wine, Gauloise cigarettes, Camus, Camembert, madeleines, macarons, and the f*cking croquembouche. You just brought a philosophy of rigorous self-abnegation to a pastry fight, my friend. You are f*cked.”

Well, I think that just about covers the subject.

Now Watch: How The Syrian Refugee Crisis All Began

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