Raising Hope (Fox, 9 p.m.) — Season finale. Say goodbye to TV’s (second) best couple for another season, with a special Thursday night episode of Raising Hope. Two episodes, actually, beginning with “Burt-Mitzvah: The Musical.” Suddenly, I’m not so furious Parks and Recreation isn’t on again.
Jesus: Rise To Power (NatGeo, 8 p.m.) — Alternate porno title: Jesus: Rise To Plow-Her.
1600 Penn (NBC, 8:30 p.m.) — “The 10 Best GIFs from Last Night’s 1600 Penn“? Hahaha, no.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.) — I’d stop being a filthy, filthy Jew if Archer was Pope.
Legit (FX, 10:30 p.m.) — “Jim, Steve, Billy, and Rodney go to a minor league baseball game,” meaning at least one of them will get drunk and throw peanuts at the mascot. Y’know, your typical minor league baseball game experience.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kim Kardashian on Leno; The Rock, Saoirse Ronan, and Kendrick Lamar on Kimmel; Tyler Perry and Nick Offerman on Fallon; Denise Kiernan on Stewart; and Dr. Robert Lustig on Colbert.