I’m sorry, guys — we’ve ruined the Oscars. Not UPROXX, specifically (we’re doing our best to take away some of the Oscars importance, actually), but the Internet as a whole, which has turned the Academy Awards from a dumb, little ceremony celebrating cinema that you don’t have to think about until January to a year-round EXTRAVAGANZA of prognosticating, self-inflated significance, and momentum. I don’t know why Argo has a better chance of winning now than it did in December (or why it will beat Zero Dark Thirty), but OK.
So while the Oscars aren’t nearly as fun as they used to be, they are fun to mock on Twitter and live blogs with similar-minded, jaded movie fans. And as any good Internet commenter knows, reaction GIFs are just as important as witty retorts, so we’re here to help, with a collection “If/For” situations for tonight’s ceremony featuring GIFs from this year’s nominee. It’ll help make the Oscars slight more bearable.
That, and Jennifer Lawrence.
If Joaquin Phoenix loses to a drunk pilot or singing Wolverine
(“F*ck this sh*t, I’m out of here”)
If Jennifer Lawrence wins Best Actress
If Jennifer Lawrence loses Best Actress to anyone except Quvenzhané Wallis
If Quvenzhané Wallis wins Best Actress
If you really don’t want Argo to win Best Picture
If you really want Django Unchained to win Best Picture, and it does
Obligatory Life of Pi pie GIF
Anne Hathaway’s thought process if she somehow doesn’t win Best Supporting Actress
If Kathryn Bigelow loses Best Director…OH WAIT
If Tommy Lee Jones wins, loses, breathes, shows up, does anything
A Moonrise Kingdom #metaphor for…something
For when it’s time for Best Foreign Language Film, and people on Twitter have opinions
If any song other than “Skyfall” wins Best Original Song
For when you realize Scarlett Johansson sings Best Original Song nominee “Before My Time” from Chasing Ice
For when the following names are said at the motherf*cking Oscars: Kyle Chandler, Bryan Cranston, Chris Pratt.