Last week I mentioned how GQ seems to be making a concerted effort make itself more appealing to the people of the internet. It’s been hiring well-known internet lady writers to pen features. It featured two hot, young actresses in a sapphic photo spread (The internet loves hot lesbians!). It had another pose scantily dressed. It had another celebrity photobomb two models in the throes of passion. So what could they possibly do to top all that? Why, ask Larry King — believed to be the oldest reptile who has ever lived on the Earth — to play one of the internet’s favorite games: “F*ck, Marry, Kill.”
GQ: Okay: F*ck Marry Kill with Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, and Liza Minnelli.
Larry King: Okay, now, this is do what? Have a what with them?
GQ: Either have sex with them, marry them, or kill them.
Larry King: Who was the first one?
GQ: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minnelli.
Larry King: I mean, Elizabeth Taylor, all three. I would have had sex with her. Woulda married her. Wouldn’t kill her. I would kill her with love. She was a good friend, too. I interviewed Zsa Zsa a lot, but Elizabeth leads the list. She is everything.
If the image of Larry King sexing the quite scandalous Liz Taylor isn’t enough to make you vomit, there’s this…
GQ: Another FMK: Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Sanjay Gupta.
Larry King: And the three choices are again to what?
GQ: You can have sex with one, marry one, and kill one. And you have to assign one to each.
Larry King: Okay. Sex with Sanjay Gupta. He’s the prettiest of the three. Kill Wolf Blitzer. Even though he’s Jewish, the name sounds German. You have to kill the German when you’re Jewish. So I’d marry who?
GQ: Anderson Cooper.
Larry King: Yes, I’d marry Anderson Cooper. That’s logical.
Okay, that’s enough, GQ, thank you very much. I almost feel the need to apologize to you, the Uproxx readership, for planting this stuff in your brains. Since I feel as though I should do something to make up for it, here’s a video of Mila Kunis sticking her fist in her mouth.
There, are we square now?