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Man’s Boner Freezes From Drunken Sex With A Snowman

By / 01.25.13

Okay, first of all, how is sex with a snowman even physiologically possible? I mean, every guy knows that being drunk — especially drunk enough to f*ck a snowman — is boner poison (We’ve all been there and any guy who tries to say he hasn’t is LYING!), but the cold, especially ICE, is boner KRYPTONITE. Like, the cold makes the blood vessels constrict, limiting the flow of blood to the…oh nevermind, you’ve all probably seen the “shrinkage” episode of Seinfeld, so you know what I’m talking about.

Regardless, this dude from the UK is obviously a freak in every way, so of course he was able to stick his diseased dong into an ice sculpture and impale it mercilessly until shooting a load.

Habitual drunkard Kenneth Guillespie, 64, was found half-naked and screaming in agony next to the remains of the five-foot snow sculpture. And when he arrived for treatment at North Central infirmary in Blackburn, shocked medics found the booze-soaked layabout was suffering from FROSBITE of the JOHNSON. Someone At the hospital said that “Ken’s a regular visitor to A&E. Normally it’s just bumps and scrapes – or someone has giving him an ass whoopin’ .

“Occasionally he’ll get trapped in something or get an object wedged up him. But this is the most bizarre mishap yet.”

But The unemployed former postman may not remain in one peice if the return to the scene of his whitemarish coupling – as local residents are said to be on the warpath.

Ian Jessop of the Ramsgreave and Brownhill Community Security said: “If that dirty fucker comes back here after what he did. I won’t be responsible for the reaction of the community.

“Several people have already vowed to dismember him after what he did to the kids’ snowman.”

“He left” a pile of empty bottles, a wrecked snowman and a trail of frozen man-juice in the middle of the community recreation ground.”

If it snowed in Florida this would happen ALL THE TIME.

UPDATE: I’ve been told that this story originated in the British version of the Weekly World News, so it’s probably fake. BUT WE WANT TO BELIEVE!

(Thanks for the tip, Mere)


TAGSBONERSfrozen bonerssnowman sexsnowmen

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