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A Man Paid To Protect $102,000 Worth Of Vintage Whiskey Drank It All Instead

By / 07.22.13

Whiskey

Last year, we witnessed yet another of the many instances of life imitating Seinfeld, when a Pennsylvania man was accused of drinking approximately 52 bottles of 100-year old whiskey that he was supposed to be keeping safe for his employers. But much like Elaine Benes couldn’t ignore the allure of a piece of vintage wedding cake owning by J. Peterman, 62-year old caretaker John Saunders simply couldn’t resist the appeal of that delicious Old Farm Pure Rye Whiskey that belonged to the owners of the South Broadway Manor Bed and Breakfast.

The B&B’s owner Patricia Hill is finally pressing charges against Saunders, who had previously denied drinking the whiskey, because a police DNA test has proved that he absolutely downed four cases of the good stuff in a matter of a year.

Hill discovered that 52 of the bottles had been emptied in March 2012, and reported it to police. All four cases of whiskey had been emptied within about a year, Pitts said.

Saunders denied that he consumed the vintage alcohol, but police tested the empty bottles to see if they matched Saunders’ DNA. After seven months of testing, police confirmed that Saunders’ DNA was found on the bottles, and charged him with felony theft and receiving stolen property, Pritts said.

Saunders appeared for a preliminary hearing in court on Wednesday and will face trial. (Via WHAS 11 ABC News)

Seven months of DNA testing, you say? For four cases of whiskey? My my, the crime in Scottdale, Pennsylvania must be practically nonexistent.

But much like J. Peterman’s amusement at the eventual punishment that Elaine would face for devouring his historic cake, Saunders’ crime also comes with a bit of a twist ending, as his attorney told the court last week that he is now awaiting a liver transplant. I like to think his response to this whole mess looks a little like…

Whatever

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