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It’s Tom Selleck’s 69th Birthday, So Here’s A Definitive Ranking Of His Mustaches

By / 01.29.14

1 Tom Selleck

Almost 44 years ago, a 25-year old hunk of a man named Tom Selleck made his acting debut as Dobie on the “Death Bait” episode of the TV series Lancer. Today, he’s the biggest star on the cast of the CBS hit police series Blue Bloods, as he plays Police Commissioner Frank Reagan and father of Erin Reagan-Boyle, who is played by the incredibly underrated Bridget Moynahan, but that’s a completely different definitive ranking for another time. To put it bluntly, Tom Selleck is an American icon, and we’ve been incredibly fortunate to have him in our lives for so long.

Additionally and much more importantly, Selleck’s mustache is a national treasure the likes of the gold buried under Mount Rushmore and the Dairy Queen Blizzard. Such a flavor savor deserves to be celebrated more than annually or even semi-annually, as it should at least be honored octannually, if that’s even a word. That said, for Selleck’s 69th birthday today, I have decided to rank the many variations of mustache that he has sported in his storied acting career, and I am convinced that no greater tribute could ever be paid.

Interestingly enough, Selleck didn’t have the famous facial hair when his career began on Lancer, and one of his co-stars was also sans his trademark nose bush. That man? Sam Elliott, who played Renslo. Was it fate that these two icons of the mustache appeared in a Western TV series that only really old people remember? We can only hope so. Regardless, their mustaches eventually grew in and they became two of the most important actors in history.

Honorable Mentions

This Salem cigarette ad from what my team of scientists believes is the 14th century features young Selleck with an auburn and sun-kissed mustache that could have melted the tar right out of a lung.

22 Salem Ad

Also, this portrait of Selleck doesn’t need to be ranked, because it should be hanging in the f*cking Louvre.

21 Tom Selleck Portrait

20) Wide World of Mystery

18 Wide World of Mystery

I assume the mystery involved someone stealing his mustache, and the only culprit with the power to pull off such a feat is God himself.

19) Blue Bloods

20 Blue Bloods

Aged but not worn. Matured but not expired. Still a far cry from his prime, but strong enough to make your mama’s basement flood.


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TAGSBLUE BLOODSFriendsHAPPY BIRTHDAYMAGNUM P.I.MAGNUM PIMR. BASEBALLQUIGLEY DOWN UNDERTHREE MEN AND A BABYTOM SELLECKTOM SELLECK'S MUSTACHE

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