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It’s Tom Selleck’s 69th Birthday, So Here’s A Definitive Ranking Of His Mustaches

By 01.29.14

18) 12 Mile Road

19 12 Mile Road

Made for TV? The movie, yes. The mustache, no. Warning: High definition may cause testosterone envy.

17) Boston Legal

17 Boston Legal

It should be illegal for one man’s facial hair to look so damn good.

16) The Young and the Restless

16 The Young and the Restless

Legend has it that young Selleck’s mustache could steal years away from other men who made the mistake of making eye contact with his whiskers.

15) High Road to China

15 High Road to China

If you looked up the definition of “Rugged” in the dictionary, you would see this picture. That is, until every man on Earth filed a class action lawsuit to have it removed.

14) The Closer

14 The Closer

Not to be confused with the TNT show of the same name that featured zero legendary mustaches.

13) Christopher Columbus: The Discovery

13 Christopher Columbus

Scholars maintain that the real King Ferdinand died while speaking of the prophecy of a man with a neatly-trimmed beard and mustache playing him one day.

12) Killers

12 Killers

It is rumored that Ashton Kutcher asked Selleck how to grow a proper mustache and Selleck responded, “By not being a douchenugget.”

11) Rockford Files

11 Rockford Files

A file on Selleck’s mustache was routinely kept by the CIA during the Cold War, and he eventually shaved it to prove he wasn’t hiding nuclear missiles.

10) The Sacketts

10 The Sacketts

Wild. Unbridled. The kind of mustache that would have required its own horse in the Wild West.

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