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In Which We Recklessly Speculate Why Solange Might Have Gone HAM On Jay-Z In That Elevator

By 05.12.14
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By now you’ve probably seen the video of Solange Knowles going berserk on Jay-Z in an elevator after the recent Met Gala. Naturally, the internet has been having fun playfully speculating what Jay-Z may have said to Solange to make her snap like twig in a hurricane. But seriously, what did Jay-Z do or say to inspire such a violent attack from his sister-in-law?

Now that the dust has started to settle a bit, it’s time for a SERIOUS discussion as to what may have happened, and frankly there’s one thing that — devoid of any evidence whatsoever, mind you — stands out as the clear reason Solange went HAM to Hova: he farted in that elevator.

Keep in mind that a well-timed fart in a crowded elevator is one of the more devastating acts of personal terrorism an individual can pull off, and there’s virtually no way to accurately pinpoint who the perpetrator is. That what makes pulling one off so delicious for a perpetrator and so frustrating as a victim — you’re trapped inside of a metal box so you can’t help but breathe in someone else’s ass breeze, it’s sh*tty aroma assaulting your olfactory senses, and you have no way of knowing for sure who did it. In other words, it’s just the type of thing that we imagine could make Solange lose it.

Here’s the thing: Jay-Z looks as though he could rip some pretty smelly farts, and by now she probably knows how they smell since Jay is basically her big brother at this point. So there’s no way he could sneak one past Solange in an elevator, and if you catch someone at the wrong time, well, there might be a can of WhoopAss waiting to be cracked open for you. Jay-Z’s lucky this bear wasn’t in the elevator at the same time…


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TOPICS#Jay Z
TAGSelevator fartsFARTSSOLANGE KNOWLES

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