The next time I’m on a long distance flight, I would gladly give up my sad bag of peanuts for a breakup to live tweet. One couple’s misery is everyone else’s Twitter gold.
While waiting to leave Raleigh-Durham International Airport yesterday, Kelly Reegs, also known as @keegs141, witnessed some jerk of a guy say “welcome to Dumpsville; population: you” to his sobbing girlfriend, which ranks in the top-five of worst ways to call things off.
1. Murder.
2. Spaceship.
3. On an airplane before it even departs.
4. With a text that reads, “Oops, I thought this was Candy.”
5. Teach your parrot to say, “We done.”
Get your Bill Hader popcorn GIF ready, because this story has a twist ending!
https://twitter.com/keegs141/status/635601861349896192
Guy: "is this really a surprise? Are you seriously surprised at this information?"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "Great. JUST GREAT. I'm so glad I paid 40 extra dollars to be on this fucking flight with you"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Guy: I don't care. Girl: IM GLAD YOU DONT CARE
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "ITS JUST SO MEAN. DO I DESERVE THIS? WHY ARE TOU BRINGING THIS UP"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
"I don't want to be this girl. I don't want to be her. I want to be my best for you and YOU WONT LET ME"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
"Is that what you're starting to do with me? Just slow fade me OUT? Just like the others?"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "you don't even understand why I'm FUCKING SAD. YOU HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "Why is this so easy for you? It's just THAT FUCKING EASY? What do you want from me?"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Guy: "You need to calm down" Girl: "To me I just really thought, you know, this was going to go somewhere"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Very stoic few minutes pic.twitter.com/eyt4YDlEj3
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "well what makes you so FUCKING SPECIAL?"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Girl: "you should probably just stop talking. Just stop TALKING!!"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
"I'm going to ask Charlotte. I'm going to ask her the minute we get home and we'll see if your STORIES MATCH" (Omg scandal who's Charlotte?)
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
Guy: "I can't discuss this anymore." Girl: "so I'm not worth your time????"
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
**silent sobs, lots of sniffling**
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
What the fuck? Now they're making out. I'm not kidding
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015
We took off, they immediately ordered SIX vodkas and Bloody Mary mix for the 50 minute flight and chugged them in silence between makeouts
— Kelly Keegs (@kellykeegs) August 24, 2015