Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s never met a piece of food she’d rather eat than name her kid after, has been named the World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People, only a week after Star Magazine released a poll claiming that Paltrow’s also the Most Hated Celebrity in Hollywood. Take that, Mel Gibson and/or Roman Polanski. It seems like a baffling, ill-advised choice by People, until you realize, oh, that’s right, she’s thin, blonde, blue-eyed, and is married to the tamest of tame rock stars — she IS People, People is she. The proof is in the GOOP’y pudding.
“Around the house, I’m in jeans and a T-shirt. I don’t really wear makeup. That’s what they’re used to,” she says. As for her husband, Chris Martin, “He’ll make a joke about it. If I’ve gotten fully dressed up, he’ll be like, ‘Oh, wow! You’re Gwyneth Paltrow!’ He’s used to seeing me in like baggy shorts and frizzy hair.” (Via)
I imagine that family spends most of their day making $20,500 omelets while yelling “I’m Gwyneth Paltrow!” at each other, while wearing jeans and t-shirts, obviously, as they’re just like us. What, you mean your white t-shirt didn’t cost $90? You MONSTER. Anyway, need some help reacting to this news? We’ve got you covered.
That’s People headquarters in the background.
MUST KILL PALTROW. SAVE FUTURE.
I dunno, either, J-Law.
Watch yo’ self, Paltrow.
Watch yo’ self, Paltrow, pt. 2.
*makes psssssshhhhhhhhh noise*