Everyone has that annoying childhood friend. He or she is typically a kid you were forced into a relationship with solely due to geographic proximity or blood relation. It all starts with some well-meaning adult saying, “Hey Brett, have you met Dicky McDickface down the street yet? He’s a boy about your age. You two should play together!” And then you’re screwed into a childhood of misery. No wonder kids so often hate their parents.
I see this same sort of thing happen all the time to gay friends of mine. “Hey Fabian, you should meet my friend Thor … he’s gay too!” As if simple virtue of two people having the same sexual orientation automatically means they have a lot in common and will enjoy each other’s company. But unfortunately as a kid you can’t move to another place or go to a bar to make cool, new friends whose company doesn’t make you dream of running away from home to be sold into sex slavery. Instead you’re just stuck with whatever as$hole(s) in your age range lives down the street, within bike-riding distance.
My annoying childhood friend’s name was Scotty. What an appropriate name for an annoying childhood friend, no? If you name your kid “Scotty” I think you’re kind of asking for him to someone’s annoying childhood friend. That’s just a law of the universe. The kid in the stock photo used in the meme even kind of looks like my Scotty looked. Who was your Scotty? Has he or she found you on Facebook to complete their full-circle metamorphosis into “annoying Facebook friend” yet? If not, they will. They’re probably at work right now, annoying the ever-living sh*t out of their co-workers while looking for you on Facebook, just like my Scotty is probably doing right now.
So I figure if the Scottys in our lives are going to bring us so much misery, the least we can do is have a good laugh at their expense. So here, via Buzzfeed and Quickmeme, are my favorites of the Annoying Childhood Friend meme that’s suddenly all the rage on the internet. Maybe this will be a motivation to tighten your Facebook privacy settings, just as it was for me.