“We’re only on the brink of a 6-7-8 seed race that will only get more interesting/nerve-racking/stressful/hilarious as the regular season nears its end.” – Tinstradamus, Feb. 25
Certain times arise when I appear like a well-educated basketball fan. Other times, the village idiot. Right now happens to be both. Storylines are plentiful in the NBA. There’s Miami who haven’t lost since two days before Christopher Dorner became the real life Jason Bourne. There’s Denver and how no team on the planet prays they get any sort of home court advantage in the playoffs. There’s Charlotte who, in their last 130 games, have lost 102 thus making them serious contenders for “worst professional franchise in America.”*
Seriously, if you would’ve told a 1996 Tins anything Michael Jordan-related would have sucked this bad in 2013, I’d have smacked you with a Trapper Keeper. And then cried myself to sleep with Space Jam on VHS on repeat. Anywho, there’s also Derrick Rose and Derrick Rose’s knee. And while it’s not exactly NBA-related, March Madness is upon us.
All are very important topics in their own right, but that’s not what has the blood boiling at the moment, however. The 6-7-8 race out West is what has my attention. Allow me to explain.
* – Or they’ve won 28 of their last 130. Either way that’s a winning percentage of 21.5 for those doing math at home.
6. Golden State Warriors (35-29) – Stephen Curry can get buckets. David Lee can rebound. Mark Jackson sounds like a Southern Baptist preacher, despite being from New York City. They give up just as many points as they score (100.8 to 101.4). And despite a 4-6 record in their last 10, the majority of their remaining games are at home where they’re 20-8 this year.
Here’s to Golden State making the playoffs, which I think they will, but who knows what seed. Not that it matters at this point – although still sign me up for a Clips/Warriors first round appetizer if at all possible – I’m invested in two thoughts with Golden State. One, we get Curry to the dance. And two, we set fire to horrific sleeve jerseys and act like they never happened.
7. Houston Rockets (34-30) – On everything, if Houston makes the playoffs I’m getting an authentic Chandler Parsons jersey. At the moment, we’re looking at a OKC/Houston first round matchup which has all the makings to play out one of two ways. Oklahoma City makes light work of a Houston team on the brink of something special out West. Or – and this one is 1,000 times more appealing – down 3-2, James Harden and the Rockets force a Game 7 in Oklahoma City. OKC fans sweat bullets in fear of their worst nightmare coming true – Harden, in a Game 7, with a chance to advance to the second round, at their expense.
Similar to their meeting a few weeks back, The Beard goes full fledged “f*ck you Sam Presti for trading me, we had a great thing going” mode, scaring the Thunder within an inch of their lives with some ridiculous line like 38-10-6. And, of course, Chandler Parsons does Chandler Parsons things, whatever that may be. Do they win? Probably not, but convince yourself a Rockets/Thunder, Harden vs. KD/Russy Game 7 free-for-all in OKC wouldn’t be the greatest two and a half hours of TV in 2013.
8. Utah Jazz (32-31) – That’s right, Utah. Just let it happen. The Jazz are 1-7 since the trade deadline leaving the front door wide open for a Lakers squad desperate for a seat at the dinner table. There are also tons of questions we already know the answer to with this team. Do the Jazz have talented players? Yes. Could their two most talented – Paul Millsap and Al Jefferson – be gone by the the summer making this last ditch run – at worse, no playoffs and at absolute best, pushing the #1 or #2 seed to six games – worthless? Absolutely. Should the Jazz have pulled the trigger on that potential Eric Bledsoe deal? It’s all in hindsight now, but probably so.
The fact of the matter is this. The Utah Jazz – for as consistent an organization as they’ve been since Mark Eaton was giving me nightmares as a kid – have been a thorn in NBA pipe dreams for years. They ruined the last possible thought of a Bulls/Rockets Finals in 1997. Karl Malone pulled a fast one winning MVP over Michael Jordan in 1997 causing for, in my eyes at least, one half of the two defining moments in The Mailman’s career.* Apparently, the fans aren’t the most cordial people in the world either.
David Jamal Stern (it’s really Joel, but Jamal sounds better) knows good and well what team is more appealing to the league’s wallet and the league’s media coverage. And it’s not the Jazz.
* – With 15 seconds left in Game 1 of the 1997 Finals all tied up at 82, Karl Malone has the chance to put Utah ahead with two free throws after a loose ball foul on future world diplomat Dennis Rodman. In the absolute finest example of trash talk on the highest stage, Scottie Pippen casually reminds Malone “The Mailman doesn’t deliver on Sunday.” Malone bricks both. Jordan hits the game winner.**
* The other moment, you ask? Well, that one involves Jordan, too.
9. Los Angeles Lakers (32-31, Utah owns tiebreaker) – Lakers fans, you’re all welcome. Not only have I been a source of comfort this entire season saying your team will make the playoffs (which I have), my jedi mind tricks on the best two guard of all-time not overseeing the Bobcats has worked flawlessly. After claiming Kobe hasn’t come up big for L.A. in the postseason in years, the only player in NBA history to give himself two nicknames (“Black Mamba” and now “Vino”)* has put together a stretch of games since the All Star Break – 35.8 points, 6.5 rebounds, 6.4 assists – you can only sit back and raise a glass to.
To be fair and to save myself some shred of dignity, it isn’t the postseason yet, they’re still technically not in the playoffs despite Utah falling harder than Trevor trying to propose to Hillary on Fresh Prince, they still can’t stop anyone from scoring and my Canadian role model (Steve Nash) is getting torched on defense every time he steps out of bed. On the flip side, every game for the Lakers since the start of January has essentially been a playoff game.
You see, there’s a game at play in all this. I’ve sort of got mind control over Kobe. He’s plays well, basically telling me “shut the f*ck up.” I’ll be quiet. But when he shoots his team out of a game, I’ll be talking again.
* – Ok, his friend gave it to him, but I’m just going to convince myself Kobe held him at knife point demanding a new nickname.