According to The Daily Meal, McDonald’s is unleashing three new avocado-based sandwiches to the general public: The guacamole burger, guacamole grilled chicken and guacamole crispy chicken sandwiches, which the fast food chain is currently testing in the Denver and Carolinas markets.
The new sandwiches will reportedly have “fresh” guacamole, pico de gallo, lettuce, and white Cheddar on an artisan bun — because “artisan” is one of those fake, nothing words that fast food chains love to splash around to make their garbage food sound highbrow — and will set you back $4.79
“The Greenville, Spartanburg and Asheville [Carolina] communities have rich culinary traditions, and this premium sandwich experience is something we know they will love,” says Terry Shugart, a local McDonald’s owner/operator for North and South Carolina. “By bringing this new taste to our local consumers, we’re showing them we’re listening to what they’re telling us they want to see on our menus.”
Ahh, yes. Nothing says “rich culinary traditions” like putting fancy slop on top of McDonald’s. Last summer my husband and I went on a road trip, and since it was summer and we had the dog with us, we were pretty much stuck with whatever road food could be quickly acquired from a takeout counter or drive thru. So when we made a stop at a Subway, I was delighted to see a sign boasting fresh, 100% legit avocado on their sandwiches because avocado is the best and I will fistfight anyone for saying different.
But as I stood there overseeing the creation of my veggie sub, I watched in absolute horror as the avocado being put on my sandwich was squeezed out of a plastic bag, in no way resembled the actual color of avocado, and tasted like formaldehyde. See, because the thing about avocado is that, while delicious, it is a very sensitive fruit with a small window of acceptable freshness/ripeness, and does not exactly lend itself well to the fast food industry. If these fast food chains really want to hop on a health food trend — might I suggest kale? Kale is hearty and resilient, and it is just about near impossible to f*ck up kale.