Real Lesbians Acted Out Cosmopolitan’s Absurd Sex Positions Guide

Senior Pop Culture Editor
08.04.14 4 Comments
lesbian guide

COSMOPOLITAN

For the first time in the magazine’s long, sexy history, Cosmopolitan, the only publication named after a drink (except for Slippery Bald Beaver Weekly), has offered sex advice to lesbians. And because it’s Cosmo, said advice is absolutely ridiculous. Here’s the Laconic Lounger.

It’s well meaning, and Cosmo deserves some credit for expanding their coverage, but to quote Huffington Post columnist Jenny (From Da?) Block, “It was as if a straight frat boy took out his doodle pad and drew every scene from every porn he had ever witnessed with Barbie or Disney princesses playing the leading roles, with their impossibly tiny bodies and silky, gravity-defying hair.”

So Block called her queer friends and asked them to act the sex positions out.

None of the important parts were touching any of the other important parts unless you have a thing for lymph nodes or belly buttons or belt buckles. And you’d have to be either double-jointed or have your legs broken to make some of them work. Oh, and if you can’t levitate — including levitating your hair and beaded jewelry — you’re in real trouble. (Via)

You can see some photos here, or watch this very awkward video. Gia, it ain’t.

Cosmo via Huffington Post

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