Yes, it’s true that, more often than not, stories from hallowed annals of Reddit’s TIFU (Today, I F*cked Up) section are probably made up. We’ll get that out of the way right now. So, if you came here for the sole reason of pointing that fact out in the comments, take it somewhere else. Because these salacious stories are just far too entertaining not to share, as this one that was submitted with a burner account and later removed over the weekend. But because nothing is gone from the internet forever, a mirror still exists.
The woman who put this out there claims to be a sexually voracious 22-year-old who’s on the aggressive side when it comes to sex, and here’s her story:
Yesterday my friends and I decided to go out drinking and dancing. We entered a club we have never been to before, when I spotted this dude sitting at a table with a bunch of other guys. I noticed him almost right away since the hanging light over their table illuminated his face like a beam of light from heaven; this guy was so painfully attractive it hurt. My friends and I grabbed a table and a few drinks before hitting the dance floor. It wasn’t long before the guy and his friends entered the dance floor from the opposite side of the room. I shuffled my way though the crowd and “haphazardly” started dancing with him. After he offered to buy me a drink, it was pretty obvious were things were headed.
I don’t go home with casuals very often but when I do I like to see the surprise on their face when I initiate fun-times, especially when its obvious they are used to making the first move. It was obvious this guy liked the power struggle of it so we ended throwing each other around a bit.
Skip forward to this morning when I’m woken up by this guy in bed beside me absolutely freaking out about not being able to see and retinal tears and degeneration in his eyes. So I called the ambulance and went with him to make sure he was ok. I could feel my face go beat red with embarrassment while he is giving the paramedic information about how he thinks the throttling we gave each other caused the degenerative holes in his retina to tear and cause blindness and that he should have had laser surgery sooner.
I am currently in the waiting room of a hospital waiting to hear back about a guy I honestly can’t remember the name of. :S
TLDR: F*cked a guy’s retinas off
Here’s the thing: There actually is a condition called lattice degeneration that can cause retinal detachment, but the risk of that actually happening only affects about one percent of those affected, and it can lead to permanent vision loss and blindness. So, I guess the worst case scenario is that at least the gentleman in question won’t be able to read this about himself on the internet? Or, on the flip side, this will make one hell of a “how I met your mother” story someday.