Police in Chattanooga, Tennessee, are on the lookout for a brazen beer thief who struck at a gas station last weekend. The woman can be seen in surveillance footage pulling a 12-pack of beer out of the cooler, then stuffing it up her dress like it’s the most normal goddamn thing in the world.
To add insult to injury, after stuffing the beer between her, uh, thighs, the woman made her way to the register where she paid for 70 cents worth of gasoline with change from the “take a penny, leave a penny” tray. Really, the cashier should have probably known she wasn’t on the up and up at that point.
Regardless, the gas station’s owner, Tim Winters — who was right next door in his office when it happened — has a sense of humor about the whole thing.
“She was the original thigh master, you know? She got a 12 pack of beer and stuck it between her legs,” Winters said. “Then, she walked to the counter, made a purchase of fuel and walked back to her automobile.”
“You know, it made me mad. Then I got to thinking about it, and I started laughing about it you know,” Winters said. “This lady, she really had it altogether.”
There’s only one way we can break this case, and that’s to get Suzanne Somers on the phone, STAT. To the thigh phone!