This Guy Learned The Hard Way That Girl Scouts Are Like A Tiny Green Mafia

News & Culture Writer
02.13.15 11 Comments
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It’s Girl Scout Cookie season again! Huzzah! Have you been pressured yet into buying too many boxes of Samoas and Thin Mints by your boss and/or coworkers and/or neighborhood children and/or kids with a table set up at the grocery store? This poor sucker on Reddit’s TIFU doesn’t possess any resolve when it comes to saying no to young children, and to be fair, it sounds like the kids in his neighborhood might actually break out the baseball bats and brass knuckles if you say no to them.

Here’s the story of how a guy ended up with 20 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies:

This whole thing started about 3 weeks ago. I moved into a new neighborhood less than 2 months ago and most of the families that live there have younger (5-10 year old) children. A few weeks after moving in I get my first visitor and it is a young girl with her father and she is selling Girl Scout cookies. She tells me that it is $4 a box and she is close to “hitting her 1st tier” where she gets a prize/reward for selling a certain number of boxes. So being new to the neighborhood I tell her absolutely and buy 4 boxes that will be delivered sometime 8 weeks later and the little girl is extremely happy.

2 days later I get another Girl Scout at my door selling cookies and she asks if I would like to buy some. I tell her I just bought some from a different person, but I would like to help so I tell her I would like to get 2 boxes. The girl looks dead in my eyes and says, “Chloe said you bought 4 from her and helped her get her prize. Why do you not want to buy 4 boxes from me?” That little sh*t… Chloe gone up and told all her Girl Scout friends about the guy who bought 4 boxes. I told her I will get 2 more so she can get the same as Chloe but I do not want anymore because I cannot eat them all.

So in total I have had 7 different Girl Scouts come to my house all with the same reaction when I tell them I will get 1 box. “But Chloe said you got 4 boxes from her!!!” I cannot tell them no so I should be having around 20 boxes (I chose to donate some) of Girl Scout cookies coming to my house that I will have to take to the homeless shelter to give to the needy because there is no way I can ever eat all of them.

TL;DR If you see a Girl Scout, buy a small number of cookies because they tell EVERYONE!

It’s too late for this guy now. He needs to either sell his home or succumb to Type 2 diabetes. It’s like feeding stray cats. Once they know they’re going to get a handout, they’ll be back every year. Mark my words.

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