LeBron James Demands ‘More Bodies’ And A ‘F*cking Playmaker’ After The Cavs’ Latest Loss

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On Monday night, after the Knicks managed to do the impossible and defend a late lead, the Inside the NBA crew aired the highlights from the Cavaliers-Pelicans game. Charles Barkley, as he often does, added a hilarious touch to the highlights by repeatedly saying, “No way the Cavaliers lose to the Pelicans without Anthony Davis.” And that matters today because, yes, the Cavaliers lost to the Pelicans, who were without their star player, and it wasn’t nearly as close as the 124-122 final score suggests. In fact, the Pelicans shouldn’t be celebrating as much as they should be focused on how they almost blew a massive lead.

As for the Eastern Conference leading Cavs, well, all is not well in the kingdom of LeBron James (seen above screaming, “EVERYONNNNE!” like Gary Oldman in The Professional). Cleveland has lost five of its last seven, and the loss to New Orleans is made even worse by the fact that James posted a triple-double, while Kyrie Irving had a career night with 49 points.

That’s a sure sign that something is really, really wrong, which James made sure to mention after the game.

What else are we going to do? You saw the game. Kyrie had to do that. I tried to mix in my plays… we had no choice.

Listen, we got what we got.

He’s referring to the team’s roster. You know. You know. And he’s subtly sending signals to everyone on his team not named Kyrie Irving or Kevin Love that they need to get their sh*t together and start playing better, because James is still banging the drum for the team to make a deal for a playmaker to come off the bench and/or help the team when he or Irving has a night off.

James’ minutes are also still a huge issue, despite his heartbreaking, hot-take-inspiring nights off, but what matters is winning. He hopes everyone, from the front office to the end of the bench, is paying attention.

“I just hope that we’re not satisfied as an organization,” James told a small group of beat reporters who travel regularly to cover Cleveland’s road games. “I just hope we’re not satisfied.”

“We’re not better than last year,” he said. “From a personnel standpoint.” (Via ESPN)

Cut to a nervous cartoon character adjusting his collar and steam coming out. But the word of the day is BODIES. Someone get this man a Drowning Pool album, pronto!

“It’s great to have bodies,” James said. “Obviously, in the playoffs, you go down to what, eight max? And if somebody gets in foul trouble, you go to nine. You’re not playing back-to-backs. You have two days in between. You’re able to lock in.”

“It’s like when you don’t have bodies. It’s tough,” James said. “The f—ing grind of the regular season. We’re a top-heavy team. We have a top-heavy team. We top-heavy as s—. It’s me, [Kyrie Irving], [Kevin Love]. It’s top-heavy.”

“We need a f—ing playmaker,” James said. “I’m not saying you can just go find one, like you can go outside and see trees. I didn’t say that.” (Via ESPN)

James’ ultimate point is what happens if, basketball gods forbid, he or Irving is injured and misses a chunk of the remaining season? The Cavs would be doomed. And at 32, James’ clock is ticking, too. “It’s been a s—ty 2017 so far,” he concluded with reporters, which might sound absurd to us fans of middle-to-bottom market teams, but he’s right. For the Cavs, this is downright pathetic.