
Last week, a new clip from the upcoming film Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit debuted and I assume that a lot of people were probably thinking, “Oh cool, the classic Tom Clancy character is back for some more spy adventures!” But not me. After watching that clip, all I could think was, “Good Lord, Hollywood loves including scenes of graphic violence that take place in bathrooms.”
So I sat down with my trusty quill pen and some parchment and I starting thinking of some of those classic moments, not so I could rank them like any violent bathroom scene is greater than another, but so I could pay tribute to the time-honored tradition of watching people get killed next to a toilet. Also, ranking these scenes is futile, because True Romance is No. 1. I read two lists that didn’t even have True Romance on them, so just the thought of having to debate that made me ill.
Alas, this list is not complete. It is only a sample of the many, many times that fights and gruesome murders have taken place in imaginary restrooms on the silver screen, but I like to think that I’ve included the classics. Feel free to correct me by figuratively smacking me upside the head with a toilet lid.
1960 – Psycho
Was this Alfred Hitchcock classic the first film to ever include someone being killed in a bathroom? Probably. I have no clue what happened in movies that were made before 1960, because I wasn’t alive. If any of the movies made prior to my birth (long after 1960, mind you) were important, the studios would have waited for me. The people involved with Psycho (the original, not the craptacular Vince Vaughn remake) should feel lucky that I’m even talking about this film, if any of them are still alive. Anyway, the image of Marion Crane being stabbed to death in the shower might be the most famous murder in Hollywood history. (Although, I’d argue that it’s Vinh Kelly in Gleaming the Cube.)
1967 – The Dirty Dozen
You know how I said that any movie that was made before I was born isn’t worth watching? The Dirty Dozen is an exception. In fact, if your kid was born today, you better make sure he watches it tomorrow. That way he can watch Charlie Bronson do what he always did best – beat the crap out of two guys at one time with punches that looked like flies that couldn’t land on aircraft carriers. But that was the beauty of Hollywood’s era of the macho actor. They didn’t need any fancy fightin’ choreography like Jason Statham. They just punched, dammit.
(Bronson’s bathroom fighting can be seen in the trailer around the 2:12 mark. And about that trailer, they don’t make ’em like this anymore. Lee Marvin relaying what each actor said about his character is wonderful. “Trini Lopez as Jimenez… he’s crawling with hate!” Simply wonderful.)
1979 – The Warriors
The first REAL bathroom fight scene to ever be recorded (thanks to my decision to ignore five decades of cinema), The Warriors reminded us that it doesn’t matter how stupid you dress as long as you’re able to shatter a guy’s rib cage with a baseball bat. The thing I’ve always wondered, though, is if anyone stopped and said, “The Punks? Really? We’re on roller skates, dude.”
I should mention that “The Big Lebowski” had not one, but TWO scenes of bathroom violence (the scene with Jackie Treehorn’s henchmen, the “nice marmot” scene).
I SAID WE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON!
In Les diaboliques (aka Diabolique, 1955), a man is drowned in a bathtub.
Possibly-true story: a man approached Alfred Hitchcock and said, “After Diabolique, my wife refused to take a bath. After Psycho, she refused to take a shower. What can I do?” Hitchcock: “Have her dry-cleaned.”
Well, the Internet says a woman asked Hitchcock about her daughter (not husband/wife), but you get the idea.
Yes! Les Diaboliques is great. If you like Hitchcock you should check it out.
SPOILER-Y CORRECTION!
*A man fakes his death in a bathtub and then emerges decked out in totally opaque massive contact lenses scaring the shit out of his wife who then falls dead of a heart attack*
We watched that in my high school French class one week along with La Haine . My teacher was a boss.
Jeff Daniels committed some pretty horrific bathroom violence in Dumb & Dumber.
I clicked on this link fully expecting ‘Liar Liar’. Now I just feel used.
No Drive?? Close-range shotgun scalpings and glass lighting fixtures to the juggular are integral to this valuable collection.
Psycho was the first American film to show a toilet flush. A major milestone in cinema history right there.
First of all, I want to commend you on your choice of username and avatar. As a long-time Met fan, Mo was one of my favorite players in the post-WS, post-Bobby V era.
Now to your comment, I believe that it wasn’t for another 15 or so years that a flushing toilet was shown on American TV, on All in the Family, which aired on CBS. Assuming that is a standard migration time, and noting that The Brown Bunny came out in 2003, will anyone blame me for DVRing Two Broke Girls in 2017?
“Bathroom Violence” is what happens after my second cup of coffee and before lunch. It will also be the name of my unpublished memoirs …
Can someone make a supercut of all the times the bad guy kicks open (or shoots through) a bathroom stall door one by one trying to find where the hero is hiding?
Thanks to The World’s End for giving us this fantastic elbow drop:
[marcchristo.tumblr.com]
The throat slashing scene in witness was rough to watch as a kid.
[www.youtube.com]
Good lord. I cannot believe you left out the toilet stall fight from Austin Powers
“Who does #2 work for?”
Witness has a pretty horrific murder committed in a bathroom in the beginning, witnessed by an Amish lad.
Hence the title, I suppose.
Can’t forget Russell Crowe smashing Ron Rifkin’s face against a bathroom mirror before dunking him in a toilet in L.A. Confidential.
“CALL HIM OFF ME, EXLEY!”
“I don’t know how.”
Beautiful: “Now, I know you think you’re the A-number one hotshot. Well, here’s the juice: if I take you out, there’ll be ten more lawyers to take your place tomorrow. They just won’t come on the bus, that’s all!”
Damn it! That’s one of those movies I can’t have someone reference without making me want to abandon my plans for the day and rewatch it for the hundredth time.
I would have suggested Raising Arizona, but they kind of destroy the entire trailer, not just the bathroom.
Well fuck. I’m not getting any work done today. I am marathon watching The Dirty Dozen, all 3 Bourne movies, then finishing with True Romance.
Good thing I work from home.
There are multiple lists out there of scenes of bathroom violence?
and dude, you forgot Bad Boys.
I know people who thought this movie sucked
What?! The World’s End was fucking amazing. Christ.
Seriously, name some names, because daddy’s ready to fight over this.
I’d have trouble trusting someone who didn’t like The World’s End.
The Mighty Wrecklahr would not have anyone forget that in the Thomas Jane Punisher movie, Kevin Nash tears the toilet outta the floor and mashes it over his head.
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Sin City. Del Toro’s face in the toilet always gives me the willies.
Man, Dirty Dozen is so fuckin’ awesome.
I’m pretty Dead or Alive (the 1999 Takashi Miike film) starts with a radical use of bathroom violence as well: [www.youtube.com] (kinda NSFW)
I see Jason Bourne took a page from the QuickSilver Method.