The Crow remake to star goth icon Brad Cooper

In a story with at least three levels of sucking, The Hangover‘s Bradley Cooper is in negotiations to star in a remake of The Crow.  That’s right, they’re remaking The Crow, and for the lead, they cast a guy named “Brad” who played the preppy bad guy in Wedding Crashers.  Yes, I’m sure the goths will be thrilled about this one.

Bradley Cooper is in early negotiations to star in Relativity’s remake of The Crow, being directed by 28 Weeks Later director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo.

In the adaptation of the gritty black-and-white indie comic by artist James O’Barr, Cooper will play a rock musician who is murdered while trying to save his fiancée from thugs. He is resurrected by supernatural forces and seeks revenge. The role was originally played by Brandon Lee, who was killed by a freak accident during production in 1993.  Relativity is flying fast with Crow, with Fresnadillo only officially boarding the project a week ago. [THR]

But if it’s already gritty, how will they modernize the remake??  Maybe with Brad Cooper playing the lead, they could retitle it “The WASP.”  And can they still set it in Detroit? The area has gone through such a renaissance since 1993, the idea of it as a crime-ridden cess pool is… okay, well that part’s still applicable. Honestly, is anyone excited about this? At a certain point, studio execs must’ve started interpreting exasperated groans as expressions of approval.  This is the kind of news that makes me want to scream “CAW! CAW! BANG! F*CK! I’M DEAD!”