What can you say about the man who might be the greatest lyricist of his time, if not all-time — R. Kelly? Who else but Kells could sing about sex so often (pretty much every song, actually), yet so infrequently use the actual word “sex”? He’s like the “Seinfeld” episode “The Contest,” but about baby-making. In honor of Kelly’s new throwback R&B album Write Me Back and his bonkers autobiography, Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, which comes out tomorrow, here are the 12 most creative ways he’s referred to s-e-x. Now, if you’ll excuse, I’m going to take a long shower.
(Pic via R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet” Video)
1. We’ll go to my room for fun
2. Then I’ll say give me your tongue
3. Cause tonight I’m gonna fulfill your fantasy yell
4. Lie down on the floor
5. Cannot wait to cum inside
6. Anything that’s broken, I’ll fix
7. Spread your legs apart
8. Feel me, I’m so hard
9. See I want you from behind, with that bump and grind yeah
10. Baby climb on top of me
11. Up and down we’ll go you’ll see
12. And that’s when I go down on my knees giving you some of my 12-play
Girl I’m feelin’ whatchu feelin’
No more hopin’ and wishin’
I’m about to take my key and
Stick it in the ignition
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up.
Girl there’s a party goin’ on
My temperature’s warm
So let me freak you through the floor
While the bass is bumpin’
All night if your body can handle
Oh, I swear I’m about to go
Turn your body around and beat the skins like it’s a bongo
A thousand birds up out the tree
Girl, like a swarm of bees
That is how it’s gonna be
Climaxing you and me
Touch the root of your soul
Let Mother Nature take control
Over us is rain and leaves
So come on girl
Let’s plant these seeds, yeah
Girl, we’ll be banging, banging, banging, b-banging the headboard
Banging, banging, banging, b-banging the headboard
Banging, banging, banging, b-banging the headboard
Banging, banging, banging, b-banging the headboard
You lie at the head, I lie at the foot
Now if you ask me, I think that that’s a good look
I’m on top of you, making you feel it
I look up in the mirror, and see that ass in the ceiling
We’ll be curling our toes, while screaming God dammit
Girl just let me know that my access is granted
It ain’t no party like a R. Kelly party
Cause at R. Kelly party, I’mma freak somebody
Can I make that P.U.S.S.Y. cry, cry?
Can I make that P.U.S.S.Y. cry, cry?
Can I make that P.U.S.S.Y. cry, cry, oh, cry?
Then baby girl hop inside
Bout to show you how R. Kels ride
Baby what I got on my mind
I hope the same thing is on your mind
Tryin’ get you somewhere and grind
Because you’re so fine and I just wanna have a good time
And I’ll be waiting for you right there baby
I’ll be waiting there, too, like crazy
I hope you’re ready to go all day long
I hope you’re ready girl to scream and moan
Like oley oley oho
I can smell your perfume,
Step into my bedroom,
Let me love you constantly.
Oh, oh, your body is my playground,
Let me lick you up and down,
Make you feel like a woman should.
It seems like you’re ready, seems like you’re ready
Girl, are you ready to go all the way?
You don’t need a ticket just get on board
I’m about to take you into Loveland
