At this point, it’s shocking that all of the main characters on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia are still alive considering their actions. But not only are they surviving, they’re thriving. Over the course of ten seasons and more than 100 episodes, The Gang has actually come up with some pretty good ideas… you know, for a group of nitwits with no self-control. Anyway, let’s take a look at some of their most successful ventures.
Let’s kick things off with arguably Always Sunny‘s most beloved and most profitable invention. When resident illiterate Charlie Kelly first thought of Kitten Mittons (his spelling, not mine), he was laughed at. But you know what? Einstein was laughed at when he presented the Theory of Relativity and look how that worked out.*
*I actually have no idea if Einstein was laughed at. I doubt it. It’s a very impressive theory.
Energy Bar (Sedative Filled Brownie)
With enough cough syrup to kill a gorilla, this is one of many of The Gang’s inventions that was birthed out of perceived necessity. These babies were cooked up by Rickety Cricket the Street Rat in a back alley on top of a flaming garbage can. Also, Charlie can really handle his sedatives.
If Rum Ham was conceived anywhere other than the Jersey Shore, I’m not sure that it would be as beautiful of an idea as it is. With Mac at his fattest and Frank at his most depraved, Rum Ham added a rocket fueled boost in their race to heart failure.
The dick towel is a bath towel with a crudely animated picture of a penis (either small or large) on one side and one of a butt on the other. There’s now a lady version as well, because the dick towel is very real and commercially available.
The Shot Gun
For some reason, The Gang thought that rigging a shotgun to blast liquor into people’s mouths was a glorious merchandising idea, going so far as to make it the center point of their pitch to a merchandising conference. Unsurprisingly and thankfully, it failed and there is not a take home version.
The D.E.N.N.I.S System
If you’re of the opinion that Dennis Reynolds is Always Sunny’s most evil character, then you probably cite this often in your argument. By revealing his system, Dennis not only explained how he snags every woman he gets, but also let us in on the fact that he’s probably a sociopath. The best part is, the system is so believable that even Cosmo bought it.
Fight Milk/Riot Punch
These two beverages get lumped together. While Fight Milk is to help bodyguards get big and strong, Riot Punch is used to make sure you get your money’s worth in any type of crowd fight. Oddly enough, one of the main ingredients of both is lots and lots of grain alcohol. Mere coincidence, I’m sure.
Wine In a Can
You have to give credit where credit is due. This one is just a solid idea, and perfect for the alcoholic on the go. The Gang’s invention proved so successful that, like the dick towel, wine in a can now actually exists.
Denim Chicken/Bird With Teeth/Vormhat
I’m not really sure what the practical applications are for any of these, but they made Charlie really happy. And isn’t that what matters?
You know, it’s like a paperweight or something.