If you love scotch and fear babies, Robin Scherbatsky probably spoke to you on a spiritual level. When she was introduced in the pilot episode of How I Met Your Mother as a love interest for Ted Mosby, our whiny protagonist, viewers expected Robin to fill the often thankless “girlfriend” role. However, she quickly established herself as a unique and compelling character. Robin was unapologetically career driven, complex, and hilarious. While many disagree with her treatment in the last season, Robin was a fan favorite for the show’s entire run. She made Canadians look cool, confused gun control fans, and may be the coolest ex-girlfriend in TV history. Here are some of Robin’s best lines, so turn on “Sandcastles in the Sand” and read on, ya hoser.
“If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted’s your guy. If you want him pulling the cord on some other nerd’s panties, I’m your guy.”
Robin was a tomboy through and through, and she didn’t hide her disdain for Ted’s more sensitive qualities. She was also a bit of a bully. A charming bully, but a bully nonetheless.
“When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. A hot guy telling you when you can and can’t pee? That’s the dream.”
For some reason, Ted and Robin thought that it was a good idea to be roommates post-breakup. When Ted decides to start a business in their apartment, Robin is drawn to the new intern, PJ.
“I’m going to kill you. I’m going to fly to Chicago, kill you, put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it. And then maybe catch a Bears game. But mostly the killing and eating your face thing.”
Robin did not handle breakups well. She was also not above threatening physical violence. This is why she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. no doubt.
“If I stole a scalpel and I cut you open, all I would find is this scared trembling pile of crap.”
One of Robin’s best qualities was her general fearlessness, even if that often came across a bit cruelly.
“I’m proud to be Canadian. We may not have a fancy NFL team, or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit—you’re welcome, Earth. Plus, in Canada, you can go to an all-nude strip club and order alcohol. That’s right. From Moose Jaw to the Bay of Fundy, you can suck down a 20-ounce Pilsner while watching some coal miner’s daughter strip down to her pelt. Jealous?”
Despite constant ribbing from the gang (especially Barney), Robin was a loyal Canuck, damn it.
“Guys, I dated you both and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding the button.”
One of the downsides to staying friends with your girlfriend after you breakup is that she no longer feels the need to be gentle with your feelings.
“Babies are scary, ok? They have giant eyes, and come on, the soft spot? If there’s gonna be a self-destruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won’t accidentally get pressed.”
Robin’s disdain for babies is one of the sticking points for her and Ted’s relationship. #TeamRobin
“I love a Scotch that’s old enough to order its own Scotch.”
Robin undermined the stereotypical cosmo drinking portrayal of women in sitcoms. Scotch rules.
“Let’s go to the mall TODAY!”
Robin’s background as a Canadian pop star is one of the best bits of world building in sitcom history. The evolution from pop princess to grungy riot grrrl, Robin Daggers, is inspired.
“I didn’t write one. I’m your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I’m hotter than her, so who cares?”
Interventions played a big part in How I Met Your Mother, but sometimes it was too easy to take a dig at Ted’s dating habits.
“My dad taught me to shoot when I was a kid. Whenever I’m feeling lonely or depressed I come here and it reminds me that… guns are fun!”
Robin’s dad raised her as a boy for most of her life, so she often works out her frustrations with violence.
“Dude, I’m a girl. Our lady parts are like spiderwebs. Sometimes you’re going to catch stuff you don’t want.”
Too real. While it is obviously heightened for more sitcom shenanigans, Robin’s struggle to balance work and love was relatable to many.
“Ok, I’m ready to have sex now.”
Did we mention that Robin doesn’t handle breakups well?
“Last year you got left at the alter, you lost your job. You’ve come such a long way from then. I’m so proud of you, Ted. You get to slap someone in the face as hard as you can.”
Despite a rocky romantic history, Robin is always there for Ted. Especially on Slapsgiving.
