Slimed! is not only the name of Slimer’s autobiography (ironically ghostwritten by a human), but also the title of a new book from Mathew Klickstein, about, to quote its subtitle, “Nickelodeon’s Golden Age.” We’re talking Ren and Stimpy and The Adventures of Pete & Pete and Hey! Arnold and Doug and other animated and otherwise shows that make your friend who still thinks Come On Over is the greatest album ever to internally explode from nostalgia.
Fortunately, these childhood shows hold up as an adult, and Klickstein believes that they’re important, too.
Nearly an entire chapter is devoted to the ugliest event in Nickelodeon’s history: Ren and Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi’s firing from his own show. Kricfalusi was reportedly unable to deliver episodes on time and relished provoking his impatient bosses with proposed storylines about dingleberries, blowjobs, and butt plugs. “We had sheriffs trying to get our materials from John out of his studio,” recalls the vice president of animation at the time. But Kricfalusi still has loyalists in his camp. Says one: “If John was at fault for his so-called ‘perfection,’ it reminds me of the Pope telling Michelangelo to hurry up with the painting of the Sistine Chapel. John was creating the future of the animation industry.” (Via)
The problem with kids these days is that they don’t appreciate a good blowjob joke. Anyway, in honor of Klickstein’s book, I went back and found some quotes from, specifically, NickToons that were funny when I was a child, but now RESONANT as an adult. Some are tragic, others are hilarious, and all are better than THIS.
1. I said the same thing during my cold shower this morning.
2. Fight back against mouth-breathing creeps.
3. Look at these f*cking hipsters.
4. We’ve all made pudding at 4 a.m. at some point in our lives, and that’s not a euphemism.
5. Allowance = Paycheck = Never earn enough.
6. This is why I still wear Big Dogs’ shirts at the pool.
7. “I want to love you, but I can’t. I just don’t have the heart to do so. Literally. No heart.”
8. A scene from every Barnes and Noble bathroom in the country.
9. “…make the pain go away.”
10. You’re telling me.
11. Eeeeeeeeee(a)hhhhhh! Probably should have picked better monsters, er, friends to spend time with.
12. It looks so wrong, but feels so right, baby.
13. The only food to appreciate more than a free burrito…
14. …is a slice of pizza shoved through the mail slot. Never turn down mail slot cuisine.
15. Always be poking Hitler.