(Note: to help clear up the discussion thread congestion, we’re publishing two Game of Thrones recaps this season, one for book readers and one for non-book readers. Doing it this way means those who have read A Storm of Swords and A Feast for Crows don’t have to begin every conversation with “SPOILER,” or those who haven’t won’t need to worry about learning something they shouldn’t.)
Last week, it was EVERYONE who was pissed at Game of Thrones, for the scene-that-shall-not-be-think-pieced-anymore. This week, it’s book readers, because now they/we can’t revel in the smug satisfaction of being able to say they/we know where the show’s heading. Showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss went off-book, as it were, for the first time (at least for a plot with any significance). Pretty much everything at Craster’s Keep was a wild divergent from CANON, and I’m totally OK with that.
Game of Thrones: the TV show is different from A Song of Ice and Fire: the book series. What works on the page can be incredibly boring on the screen, and for the first time in awhile, I found myself not wanting the action to move away from Jon and Bran, two of my least favorite characters. That’s possibly because my tolerance for skull wine, sacrificial babies, zombie horses (Tina Belcher, be proud) and, um, more rape is higher than others, but I’m engaged to see how Benioff and Weiss are going to pull this all together in a way I wasn’t before. It’s also worth noting they have George R.R. Martin’s blessing.
Last year we went out to Santa Fe for a week to sit down with him [Martin] and just talk through where things are going, because we don’t know if we are going to catch up and where exactly that would be. If you know the ending, then you can lay the groundwork for it. And so we want to know how everything ends. We want to be able to set things up. So we just sat down with him and literally went through every character. (Via)
Also, having the Jon (who, I must admit, is finally evolving beyond an emo lyric) and Bran stories intersect means we’ll spend less time away from SER POUNCE. As for the rest of “Oathkeeper,” it was an unmemorable episode that’s nonetheless necessary as a bridge to the second half of the season. The adventures of Lady Brienne and loyal Pod, Margaery putting the secret moves on Tommen, Littlefinger taking Sansa to the Vale — there’s no payoff on these stories yet, but there will be, and coupled with the Stark/Snow boys finally getting interesting (sorry, Rickon), it should make for a fine rest of the season.
-Dany c*ckblocked a guy without a c*ck. Not cool.
-It’s impressive how quickly they learned English.
-“Always look on the bright side of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
-This needs to be a heavy metal album cover immediately.
-That’s the look of a man who’s about to be slapped with his own hand.
-Tyrion’s Casual Prison Wear, available only at J.Crew.
-“I’M SO SHOCKED THE QUEEN OF THORNS POISONED JOFFREY,” cried no one.
-Diana Rigg can seduce me whenever she wants.
-A lot of words have already been written about the Jaime and Cersei scene in this episode, and how she doesn’t seem mad enough about being raped, or whatever you want to say happened last week. I think her reaction was perfectly in character: she froze him out. To Jaime, “That will be all, Lord Commander” cuts deeper more than any wine-soaked scream could.
-Photoshop my face over Tommen’s, and I’ve had this exact dream.
-Brienne and Pod walkin’ through the forest…
-That’s not how I remember Hamlet going.
-“It’s not TV, it’s being brutally sex’d to death in a dead man’s keep on HBO.”
-Sad Hodor is Hodor.
-Bran’s just upset no one’s admiring his long luscious locks.
-No wonder Karl’s such a stain of a human — in a world full of people named Daenerys, Podrick, Tyrion, and Rhaegar, that Willem Dafoe-looking motherf*cker got stuck with KARL.
-More like White CRAWLERS, AMIRITE?
BOOK READER SPOILER SECTION: yup, that’s who you thought it was.
“A White Walker claims the baby and rides to a city of ice. The child is presented at an altar, where the Night’s King greets the infant and lays a finger on its cheek. The baby’s eyes turn White Walker blue.” (Via)
Maybe Benioff and Weiss can write something new for Dany, so she’s not stranded for another two seasons?
Five Animals from Game of Thrones I Wish Were My Pet
1. Ser Pounce
2. ALL THE BABY DIREWOLVES
3. ALL THE BABY DRAGONS
4. A manticore to do my bidding
5. This duck that I found when I Google’d “game of thrones animal gif”
I’m gonna go build my own Game of Thrones house, with dragons and ducks. In fact, forget the house.
