The original pitch for the first season of The Sopranos was “if one family doesn’t kill him, the other one will,” introducing us all to the story of a man, Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini), who was trying to balance his life in the mafia with his everyday life as the head of a nuclear family of four. Throughout the run of the show, Tony’s crime family drove much of the story, but his biological family was just as important. And despite his numerous mistakes as a husband, Tony genuinely tried to be a good father to both his daughter Meadow (Jamie Lynn Sigler) and son A.J. (Robert Iler), even if it didn’t always come off that way.
From the hilarious to the heartfelt, take a look at the times when, for better or worse, Tony tried his best to be a good dad on The Sopranos, which is currently available to stream on HBO Now.
Meadow asks the big question – “College”
It’s the pinnacle moment for one of the series’ best episodes, as Tony takes Meadow around New England to visit college campuses. During their long car ride, she comes right out and asks him the big question. Before starting a defensive rant about the stereotype of Italian Americans in the garbage business, he eventually relents, uncomfortably admitting to her that some of his income comes from “illegal gambling and… and whatnot.”
It’s the first real connection that we see the two characters share, as Meadow, fully aware of the truth (having already relayed what she knew prior to A.J), gives her father an opportunity to come clean and he slightly takes it, earning a bit of respect and a parental gold star for asking her how that revelation impacted her. Unfortunately, Tony can’t keep his mouth shut after watching his daughter take the news in stride and he tries to justify his way of life by mentioning his “legitimate income,” causing Meadow to call him out.
It’s understandable, because what parent wants to jump off the pedestal that they’re put on by their kids, even if it becomes a short fall thanks to years of missteps — but it’s still a shining moment of (half) truth shared between the two characters and an acknowledgement that Meadow is ready for such things. It’s also something that will rear its head again later in this list.
Showing A.J. some tough love – “Down Neck”
As punishment for stealing the sacramental wine from the church at his school, Tony and Carmela (Edie Falco) ground A.J. for three weeks, and even take away his Mario Kart privileges. One night while doing his homework, he tells his dad that he’s depressed. “You’re not depressed,” he assures him. “You’re angry at yourself because you did something stupid and you got caught.” It’s a real moment of parenting from Tony, who assures A.J. that he’ll be riding out the duration of the punishment, but not without the occasional ice cream sundae along the way.
Tony gives Meadow her friend’s car – “The Happy Wanderer”
After David Scatino (Robert Patrick) bets over his head in Tony’s “executive” card game, he misses the first payment, counting on his high school friendship with Tony to save him from any severe consequences. Once Tony makes it clear that that isn’t going to happen, David takes his son Eric’s Jeep, panicked and framing it as a punishment, instead of revealing that he’s giving it away to make a payment on his debt. Tony, in turn, tries to give the truck to Meadow, who’s not only good friends with Eric, but they were planning to sing a duet for Madrigals together.
On the surface, Tony shrugs it off as a good car to give to his daughter, but when pressed by Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Bracco), he comes around to admitting it was some kind of eye-opener for her, a way to force her to look at how he makes his living.
Fearing a murder charge, Tony tries to bond with A.J. – “Bust Out”
Testing the loyalty of Big Pussy (Vincent Curatola), Tony takes it upon himself to accompany him on the interrogation and killing of Matt “Drinkwater” Bevilaqua (Lillo Brancato Jr.), whose actions have helped land Christopher (Michael Imperioli) in the hospital. He gets seen by a civilian leaving the crime scene, which whips him into a deep panic. As a result, Meadow gets a drunken heart-to-heart in the dark and Tony tries to take A.J. fishing, buying him a special rod he’d asked for the Christmas prior. A.J., however, has plans with his friends, crushing Tony’s hopes and pushing him to fear that he’ll never get the chance again.
It’s a tough moment as even non-criminal father’s can relate to fears that their time with their kids (while they are kids) is slipping away, but it doesn’t really change Tony all that much in the end.
Meadow dating Noah – “Proshai, Livushka”
Tony comes home to find Meadow and her new friend, Noah (Patrick Tully), watching a movie on the couch together for their Intro To Film class. A half black, half Jewish classmate, Tony is immediately suspicious of their involvement, going so far as to refer to him as a “charcoal briquette.” It creates a deep rift between Tony and Meadow, who sees her father as nothing but a vile racist, but Carmela tries to explain the place and time that her husband is coming from, even though that is hardly an excuse.
They eventually mend their fences by Thanksgiving that year while Tony is still upset over the violent and unnecessary death of Tracee (Ariel Kiley). As he looks at the young woman Meadow has become, he makes it a point to tell her that, no matter what, he loves her “more than anything in this world.”
Like father, like son – “Army of One”
Tony has rarely, if ever, shown this kind of emotion for another human being, so it would make sense that it would be for it to be over his son. After A.J. finally gets expelled from Verbum Dei school for cheating on an exam, and with the death of Jackie Jr. weighing heavy on everyone, Carmela agrees to send him to a military academy. After putting on his uniform, and with Tony trying to make light of things with a signature dated reference (this time to Sergeant Bilko), A.J. begins breathing heavy before passing out from a panic attack, just like his old man.
With military school out of the question, Tony is distressed, wondering what will happen to A.J., mostly for fear of him trying to follow in his own footsteps — a business that Tony has frankly admitted to Dr. Melfi that A.J. “would never make it” in.
Meadow tries to use the truth against Tony – “No Show”
After years of subtle remarks by Meadow following Tony’s confession during the car ride in “College,” she finally lays her cards on the table. After announcing her plans to go to Europe on the advice of her therapist in an effort to help deal with the grief of losing Jackie Jr., Tony tries to talk Meadow into postponing the trip, adding that her “mother doesn’t want it.” Meadow, out of pure spite, not only throws what Tony once confided in her back in his face, but mocks his authority in the process. Tony, in a rare moment of anger that doesn’t end with violence, looms over her in a threatening way (much like he would someone who owes him money) determined not to lose any sense of control in the situation. Still, Tony does admit that he failed Jackie Jr. despite his best attempts to help straighten him out time and again. So it’s not like he doesn’t have a conscience.
Christopher’s lowest point – “The Ride”
While not a moment that happened with either of his children, Tony was always a father figure to Christopher, having looked out for him since he was little, and at one point grooming him for the top spot in the family. Told as a flashback in season six, Christopher comes to Tony at his lowest point, after a devastating realization about Adriana, he breaks down in front of him crying, and Tony is there to help him. After he checks for a wire, of course.
Showing A.J. some tough love. Again. – “Sentimental Education”
With Tony and Carmela separated and Tony living at his mother’s old house, A.J. spends the night in New York City partying with his friends. Naturally leading to a falling out between him and his mother, and he opts to live with his dad. While at first it might seem like it’s all chicken wings and baseball games, A.J.’s entitled attitude doesn’t go nearly as far with his less-nurturing parent, who becomes physically imposing over him, and responds to his backtalk over cereal by dumping his down the drain. “Now you get nothin'” Tony tells A.J., trying to impart some kind of lesson, though all it does is drive him back into his mother’s arms (and house).
Literally stomps rival’s face in to protect his daughter – “The Second Coming”
As tensions are already running high between Tony and the New York families, Coco Cogliano (Armen Garo), a soldier for Phil Leotardo (Frank Vincent), spots Meadow Soprano out on a date, and goes out of his way to be as creepy as possible. Of course, when Tony hears about it, he’s furious, and acts out accordingly – even catching a stray tooth in the cuff of his pant leg that he doesn’t notice until later.
Tony distracts A.J. from The Army with a job on a movie set – “Made in America”
Suffering from a profound bout of depression since his girlfriend, Blanca (Dania Ramirez) left him, A.J. goes so far as to attempt suicide before spending some time in a rehabilitation clinic. After a few misguided attempts to help snap him out of it, he suddenly develops a fixation on joining The Army. Desperate for a way out of the situation, Tony gets him a job as a go-fer on Little Carmine’s second non-pornography studio project, along with a new car, which seems to help. At the very least, throwing money and influence at the problem provides Tony and Carmela some kind of temporary relief from worry about their son. And isn’t that what’s most important?
