A Brief History Of Kramer’s Best Business Ideas On ‘Seinfeld’

10.16.14 4 years ago 16 Comments


Cosmo Kramer, resident of 5B, was many things over the course of Seinfeld: a jobless and nosy neighbor, a hipster doofus, but above all, he was an idea man. From his work as a perfumer with a vision for a cologne that smelled like “The Beach,” to his proposition for a make-your-own pizza parlor, his schemes were endless. So let’s take a look at some his best business ideas he had throughout Seinfeld’s history.

Pizza Entrepreneur

Kramer’s make-your-own pizza parlor is a fantastic idea, especially since it’s the concept behind several similarly functioning restaurants today (Subway, Chop’t). I’m just not sure about the whole people burning themselves and filing lawsuits daily thing.

Moviefone Operator

So it turns out Kramer’s phone number (555-FILK) is just one number away from the Moviefone number (555-FILM.) Where most people would just change their number, Kramer sees a business opportunity and takes action. What time is Firestorm playing, sir?

Inventor of the Tie Dispenser

A simple idea: you spill something on your tie while at dinner, you go to the bathroom and purchase a new one from a tie dispenser. Here’s to making a living off of the schmucks spilling their food on themselves at Outback Steakhouse.

Purveyor of Pasta Statues

Cute little figurines made from pasta, there’s a Fusilli Jerry, a Ravioli George in the making, and a Macaroni Bette Midler. I’m guessing Kramer self-sculpture would be made from Angel Hair?

The Michigan Deposit Bottle Scam

Even though it hadn’t worked for him in the past, Kramer decided to recycle truckloads of bottles in Michigan with Newman because their refund rate is twice as much (10 cents) as New York’s (5 cents.) But really who wants to drive 10+ hours both ways cramped in a mail truck with Newman?

Flight Time Gambler

Ever since I was a little kid I knew I wanted to make a living betting on flight arrival times, I’m just disappointed Kramer beat me to it.

A Cigar Salesman

When Kramer wants Cubans, he gets them. Even if that means actual human Cubans that he has Jerry bring up to New York to get the company “rolling.”

Semi-Professional Photographer

Kramer had a keen eye, and an artistic vision that brought us the Timeless Art of Seduction and Elaine’s Christmas card nipple mishap.

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