The made-for-TV movie is an important staple of American cinema. Not only is it a film that you don’t have to pay extra to see — unless you’re making popcorn to pretend you’re at a real movie theater — but there’s always the possibility that you’ll get even more “mature themes” and “adult situations” than the disclaimer could’ve ever prepared you for. And if you’re watching James Franco’s remake of the seminal classic Mother, May I Sleep With Danger, you’re certainly in for more blood and gore (and lesbian vampires) than you could’ve ever bargained for.
But what’s one gory Lifetime movie without a fitting accompaniment? You need an entire weekend’s worth of films to seek out a marathon. We can’t promise they’ll all be as shocking as Mother, May I Sleep With Danger, but here’s a list of other “too bloody for TV” films that actually appeared on your television set.
IT (1990)
It’s hard to think that It, with its terrifying clown, severed heads in the fridge, and bloody scrawls all over a mirror, was a film made for television. But it was. Aired as a two-part mini-series on ABC, Stephen King’s tale of childhood terror featured a genuinely creepy performance by Tim Curry — “they all float down here” is still one of the scariest lines you’ve ever heard on network television — and a scene in a library that started out with one of the main characters, Richie, being taunted by Pennywise The Clown and ended with balloons full of blood popping all over everything. Your parents (who might have let you watch for some reason) may have told you it was just spaghetti sauce, but you knew the truth. Blood! Blood everywhere.
Body Bags (1993)
There are two things you need to know about Body Bags, Showtime’s quickly abandoned attempt at answering HBO’s Tales from the Crypt: First, it featured nearly everyone — from Stacy Keach to, uh, Twiggy — and, second, it was so terrible you couldn’t help but have fun watching it. The anthology, set in a morgue run by John Carpenter (who directed the film along with Tobe Hooper), really pushed the envelope on the gross and gory.
The first story, about a woman being terrorized at a gas station, had blood and guts galore (dead bodies everywhere! a man crushed by a hydraulic press!), but it was the second story, about a man who would do anything for long, beautiful hair that really took the cake. Bleeding hair? Check. Disgusting pock marks that you were certain you’d get just by looking at them? Got that, too. What many of us weren’t expecting, though, was a scene in which a man’s wrist was sliced open to reveal that he was being preyed on by thousands of alien eels. The special effects weren’t quite there yet, but the sight of creepy crawlies hissing around a dude’s veins could put you off sleep and eating for days.
Bonus: So, so many unnecessary eye close-ups. More than any one human should be able to enjoy in one sitting.
Cigarette Burns (2005)
Cigarette Burns was part of Showtime’s Masters of Horror anthology series and saw a pre-Walking Dead Norman Reedus as an in-debt theater owner chasing down the world’s most disgusting snuff film to pay off his creditors. The one catch? Anyone who sees the film ends up dying in a horrific way. Torture is had, eyeballs are gouged, and all manner of blood spatter covers the screen. There’s also a fun scene where a man tries to load a projection reel with his own intestines. That’s not how you do that, man! That’s just gonna kill you!
Cherry Falls (2000)
Originally meant for the silver screen as opposed to your tiny CRT, Cherry Falls was picked up for a theatrical distribution deal before only being shown on The USA Network when no one could agree on its rating. The film features a cavalcade of your favorite stars, including Brittany Murphy, Jay Mohr, and Jesse Bradford (yes, from Bring It On) in a horror satire about a serial killer taking down virgins in a small town two decades after a local tragedy.
Costing more than $14,000,000 (making it the most expensive TV movie ever), Cherry Falls doesn’t skimp on the murder and mayhem. The killer stabs, chops, and slices through everyone in town (they’ve conveniently all gotten together for a massive orgy) until everyone, including Murphy is covered in fake blood.
Children of the Corn (2009)
Who says a remake can’t be good? Okay, so maybe this one technically wasn’t an improvement on the original, but it did have blood and guts to spare. Premiering on Sci-Fi, this film features more stab wounds than you could shake a scythe at and features a cringe-worthy scene of a pig getting stabbed. Gorier than high school vampires? You’ll have to watch Mother, May I Sleep With Danger to find out.
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? airs on Saturday, June 18 at 8/7c on Lifetime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXgwyVjR6vg
