Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar has finally descended upon the Las Vegas strip, because until now the tackiest place in America has been sorely lacking a Guy Fieri (real name: “Guy Ferry”) dining establishment since Times Square already got theirs. At any rate, Eater has gotten a hold of the full Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar menu, and I honestly can’t tell if they were written by an underpaid marketing lackey who hates Guy Fieri with every fiber of his or her being, or Guy Fieri himself.
You be the judge.
Shareables
Guy-talian Fondue Dippers $13
Pepperoni-wrapped breadstick twists served alongside our smoky provolone + sausage cheese dip, topped with fresh tomato bruschetta.Righteous Rojo Rings $12
A little sweet, a little spicy, a whole lot of flavor! Guy’s rojo dipping sauce takes these rings straight to the bank.
Guy-talian! Because the entire country of Italy would probably sue for damages if it was too closely insinuated that they were responsible for this monstrosity. Can someone please explain to me what a “rojo” is?
Guy’s Fries
Triple T Fries $14
Truffle, truffle + more truffle! Julienned cut fries tossed with black truffle & truffle infused gouda, served with a creamy white truffle dip. Proof that you can’t have too much of a good thing.Vegas Fries $12
Order ’em in the city they were born! Sidewinder cut fries are tossed in spicy buffalo sauce, topped with blue cheese crumble+ served with Guy’s blue-sabi sauce.
Question: Can I just get some normal f*cking french fries? There is no reality where basically cheese fries need to be served with a “creamy” dip.
Greens & Chili Beans
Southern Smothered Chili Bowl $11
Our low and slow cooking style gives Guy’s dragon breath chili vast dimensions of flavor. It’s topped with sweet cornbread, sour cream & scallions.Morgan’s Gnarly Greek Salad $13
Guy’s take on the Greek salad will send you on a tour of the Mediterranean with its bold flavors, hearts of romaine, fresh veggies, hummus, feta, Parmesan croutons + tangy lemon vinaigrette. Toga not included.
The Guy-talian Deli Salad $16
We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone! Filled with crisp romaine lettuce, imported Italian meats & cheeses, pickled Italian veggies + tossed in a red wine vinaigrette.
Guy’s “dragon breath” and gnarly salad. I’m definitely leaning towards these having been written by someone who hates Guy Fieri. And with a pun as spectacular as “Guy-talian” it’d be a shame to just use it once.
Big Bite Burgers
The Off-Da-Hook Original Smash Burger $16
This burger is money! Crunchy righteous rojo rings, LTOP + the kicker- Guy’s bourbon brown sugar BBQ sauce is sandwiched between a toasted brioche bun. It’ll leave you in a food coma!The Mayor of Flavortown Burger $17
The meat blanket of seasoned pastrami sends this burger outta bounds. Swiss, caraway seed slaw, dill pickles, onion straws, Dijon mustard + an “awesome pretzel bun” finish off this bad boy.Tatted-Up Turkey Burger $16
This burger is a work of art like Guy’s tattoos. Smash-grilled with poblanos & pepper jack. Topped with gouda, ancho bacon, sweet pepper red onion jam, LTOP, donkey sauce + served on an “awesome pretzel” bun.
The Mayor of Flavortown called and even he thinks that “meat blanket” is a horrifyingly unappetizing way to describe the contents of a sandwich. Also why is “awesome pretzel” in quotation marks? They’re both adjectives. Does that mean that neither of those things are true?
Ain’t Nothing Butta Chicken Wing…
Fireball Whiskey Wings $14
These wings are certainly not for the faint of heart & should probably be illegal. Classic buffalo sauce + fireball whiskey meet to ignite a flavor explosion of epic proportions. Try Guy’s blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire!Parmageddon Wings $13
Our breaded chicken parmesan wings + apocalyptic marinara. They might not end the world, but they’ll end your hunger!
Guy’s wings are not the least of which I’ve seen on this menu so far that should probably be illegal. What do you think apocalyptic marinara entails? I bet he just puts a little bit of sriracha in there or something. When you use variants of the words “Armageddon” and “apocalypse” and then clearly state that the world is not going to be ended, I’m pretty sure that’s misleading.
Knuckle Sandwiches
The Motley Que Sandwich $17
Straight from Guy’s BBQ krew. Pulled pork smothered in Guy’s bourbon brown BBQ sauce, citrus slaw, pickle chips, aged cheddar + onion straws…stacked on an “awesome pretzel” bun.Pic-a-Nik Sandwich $16
Not your av-er-age turkey sandwich. Swiss cheese + citrus-cranberry relish, chillin’ on an “awesome pretzel” hoagie smeared with Guy’s famous donkey sauce.
Has Nikki Sixx been made aware of this? And again with the “awesome pretzel” bun, this time with donkey sauce. Mmm, “smeared.”
Flavortown Finale
Guy’s Cheesecake Challenge $12
A huge mountain of cheesecake topped with potato chips, pretzels + hot fudge.Fried Ice cream Boulder Sundae $11
A build your own sundae brouhaha featuring a meringue wrapped fried ice cream + host of toppings.
Guy’s Cheesecake Challenge sounds almost identical to an obstacle kids in the 80’s would have had to dig through to find a flag during the obstacle course challenge at the end of Double Dare. Are we sure there’s not a kid’s menu that contains a baby pool-sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
