The TRUE DETECTIVE and his PARTNER are on the way to a crime scene. The TRUE DETECTIVE has been staring out the passenger window in silence for more than 40 minutes. Finally, his PARTNER attempts to make conversation.
PARTNER: Whatcha thinkin’ about?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: The world is trash.
PARTNER: What?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: All of it.
PARTNER: But what about th-…
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: The humans, the animals… both predator and prey, the sky, the clouds, the real and metaphorical garbage covering the streets. All trash.
PARTNER: Wait. So… the garbage… is trash?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Sounds like you’re finally getting it.
The TRUE DETECTIVE and his PARTNER get to the crime scene. The crime scene is littered with evidence of a ritualistic ceremony. And dildos. Possibly a ritualistic ceremony involving dildos. The killer and/or victim was clearly involved in something demonic and/or perverted, which we can tell from the rituals and dildos. They are everywhere.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Just as I suspected.
PARTNER: What the hell is this thing?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: An ancient dildo.
PARTNER: What? How is THAT a dildo? How do you even use it?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: The only thing separating man from beast is that we have been burdened with shame. Remove that shame, and we revert to our natural state.
PARTNER: What does that even mean?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: [picks up dildo] The dildo of the beast.
The TRUE DETECTIVE returns home. His WOMAN is waiting for him. She is a very hot babe. She is wearing nothing but underwear and rolling around in her bed despite the fact that it is 4:30 p.m. She has been there since he left her that morning, waiting. She wants to bone.
WOMAN: Come to bed, baby.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Not now.
WOMAN: Baby, come to bed.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: I can’t because of my demons.
WOMAN: To bed come, baby.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: The world is trash.
WOMAN: Baby to, come bed.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Fine.
[They bone.]
The TRUE DETECTIVE and his PARTNER are in the office of a superior who is either the chief or the mayor. They have been called in to give an update on the case, and also to get yelled at about their methods, which are reckless but also not getting results.
MAYORCHIEF: So where are we at?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: We found the corruption.
MAYORCHIEF: Great.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: We need more time to investigate.
MAYORCHIEF: No.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Why?
MAYORCHIEF: Because of the corruption. You’re off the case. You, too, Partner. You were supposed to be watching him.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Watching me?!
PARTNER: It wasn’t… I was… I don’t even know what’s going on here. I’m just trying to do my job. Tell him, MayorChief.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Don’t address the beast.
MAYORCHIEF: That’s it! You’re both suspended.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: [to Partner] This is the garbage you were talking about in the car.
The TRUE DETECTIVE is sitting alone at a bar. It’s a dingy, dark bar. Someone is singing a song about genocide. The waitress approaches his table. She looks at him with sex in her eyes. She also wants to bone.
WAITRESS: Think maybe you’ve had enough for the night?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: No. Pour me a big whiskey. Leave the bottle.
WAITRESS: What’s the matter?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: The world is trash.
WAITRESS: Is that really why you’re upset?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Don’t be nice to me.
WAITRESS: Look at me.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: No.
WAITRESS: Why?
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: Because of my demons.
WAITRESS: Baby, put the glass down and tell me what’s wrong.
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: No.
WAITRESS: Baby…
THE TRUE DETECTIVE: [sighs] I am trash.
