This week’s episode of Game of Thrones is titled “The Broken Man.” The official description is as follows:
The High Sparrow eyes another target. Jaime confronts a hero. Arya makes a plan. The North is reminded.
You can see Arya making her plan in the image at the top of the page, one of the promotional pictures for the episode that HBO released yesterday. I mean, I guess she’s making a plan. She’s either doing that or wondering if the giant statue that guards Braavos is anatomically correct. One or the other.
Below, please find some of the other promotional images, along with extremely unhelpful commentary. You’re quite welcome.
BLACKFISH: [addresses crowd] It is I, the Blackfish.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Who?
BLACKFISH: The Blackfish. Ser Brynden Tully.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Ohhhhh. Got it.
BLACKFISH: I come to you today with a message of p-…
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: You’re the guy who threw the other guy off that bridge.
BLACKFISH: I… what? No. That was Euron Greyjoy.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: You sure?
BLACKFISH: Of course I’m sure. I’m me. The Blackfish.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: 10-4. Proceed.
BLACKFISH: As I was saying, I come to y-…
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: You’re the one who saved Bran from the ice guys, right?
BLACKFISH: Dammit. No. That was Benjen Stark.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Ahhhh, right. Hey, what was the deal with that guy anyway?
BLACKFISH: This is neither the time nor the place for that discussion.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Fair enough. I’ll let you give your speech, Mr. … uh, what was your name again?
BLACKFISH: For the last time, I am the Blackfish. Brynden Tully, de facto head of House Tully. Uncle of Catelyn Stark and Edmure Tully, at whose wedding my family and the Starks were betrayed by Walder Frey and the Lannisters, resulting in dozens of deaths and chaos in the North.
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Blackfish. Got it. Like the movie about the whales. The floor is yours, sir.
BLACKFISH: I come t-…
LARRY IN THE BACK ROW: Wait, were you talking about the Red Wedding just now? I thought it was Robb who got married at that?
BLACKFISH: [sighs]
CERSEI: Lady Tyrell, we need to talk.
OLENNA TYRELL: We certainly do.
CERSEI: This business with Tommen, Margaery, and the Sparrow. It’s troubling.
OLENNA TYRELL: Quite.
CERSEI: We have to come up with a plan.
OLENNA TYRELL: What do you have in m-… I’m sorry. I have to ask. That’s The Mountain, right? Like a zombie version of him?
CERSEI: [obviously fake laugh] What? Him? Oh no. Oh my. Oh ahahahaha. No, that is Ser Robert Strong.
OLENNA TYRELL: Right, but he looks an awful lot like The Mountain. And “Robert Strong” sounds like a fake name you made up in a hurry.
CERSEI: Well…
OLENNA TYRELL: And it’s a little weird that he just kind of showed up after The Mountain died. Like how many people out there are that size?
CERSEI: There could be a lot.
OLENNA TYRELL: I dunno…
CERSEI: Here, look. Ser Robert, tell her you’re not The Mountain. Go ahead.
SER ROBERT STRONG: HHHHHRRRRRNNNNNGGGGGGG.
CERSEI: See?
OLENNA TYRELL: Wow, I stand corrected. I feel silly now.
JAIME: … and we’ll take the whole army and storm every House in Westeros and put all the fat cats out on the street.
BRONN: Clowns.
JAIME: What?
BRONN: I think you mean you’ll throw all the “clowns” out on the street.
JAIME: No, I definitely meant fat cats.
BRONN: Well, if you want to imply incompetence, a fat cat is the wrong metaphor because, in order to become “fat,” the cat had to figure out how to get all that food. Pretty successful, if you ask me. “Clowns” is the more accurate term.
JAIME: No, I mean they’re fat and lazy and too comfortable with their life of luxury. Like a fat cat just lounging around the house all day.
BRONN: So you’re implying they get fed by their owner?
JAIME: Yeah, sure.
BRONN: Then I’d argue this isn’t really the cats’ fault. Their owners are to blame for spoiling them like that. They don’t know any better.
JAIME: Okay, but how is “clowns” any better? Say what you will about the silliness of the profession, but it does require training, and at least they have a job.
BRONN: Hmm.
SOLDIER ON THE FAR RIGHT HOLDING HIS HELMET: So are we gonna storm the houses or…
JAIME: Well, I really don’t see how we can do that until we figure out this Clowns vs. Fat Cats thing.
BRONN: Agreed.
JON: Cool coat.
GUY WHO I’M GOING TO CALL ‘RICK’: Thanks. Your coat is pretty cool, too.
SANSA: I made it.
RICK: Oh, wow. What is that, mink?
SANSA: It’s raccoon. See the tail on mine?
RICK: Ahhhh.
JON: They’re very warm.
RICK: I bet. Really nice work.
SANSA: Thanks.
RICK: [looks at Davos] Where’s your cool coat?
DAVOS: I do not have a cool coat.
RICK: lol
JON: lol
SANSA: lol
