If you watched America’s Got Talent this summer, you no doubt fell in love with America’s newest sweetheart, Horse, whose entire talent — and I swear I am not making up, which is why I posted that banner pic as proof — was getting drilled hecka hard in the nuts with stuff. We briefly discussed this debonair man-about-town back in June, but I feel like I should take a minute to update you on the life and times of Horse: He didn’t win America’s Got Talent, and he recently broke a bunch of ribs and pooped his pants. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP HORSE.
According to TMZ (naturally), the testicle mutilation aficionado was doing a stunt where he was “supposed to jump from a two-story roof and land crotch-first on a wooden plank” (again, naturally), but he accidentally landed on a bucket of cement that was supporting the plank, and the force broke his ribs and caused his bowels to empty into his drawers. Nooooooooooooooooo thank you.
Look at the bright side: at least he didn’t subject himself to dozens of violent sack assaults in front of millions of people only to lose a talent contest to a dog that can do flips. Oh, wait…
