If you’re going to run a powerful crime syndicate, it’s imperative that you surround yourself with a group of employees skilled in carrying out shady activities. Even more important, they need to be able to keep a secret. Nearly just as impressive as Tony Soprano was the gang of wise guys that he had working for him. The show (which is available to stream anytime on HBO Now) had an array of captains, soldiers, and associates all working for the boss, but for the purposes of keeping things in a manageable perspective, let’s focus on the main henchmen Tony surrounded himself with.
Obviously, some were better at certain job duties than others, but how would The Sopranos wiseguys stack up had Tony done a traditional employee review? Let’s take a look at the personalities and performances of Tony’s crew and rank where they fall.
Salvatore ‘Big Pussy’ Bonpensiero
While working for Tony, Sal (Vincent Pastore) was a strong employee and carried out more than a few hits. More importantly, though, he was one of Tony’s closest friends. Unfortunately, his earnings with Tony just weren’t enough — a mob paycheck doesn’t go as far as it used to — and he started dealing heroin on the side to help with his kids’ college fund. This, of course, led to him being busted by the FBI, which led to him being given the choice of turning rat or going to prison. What would you do? Sal broke the #1 mafia rule and flipped on Tony.
As likable as Sal was on the surface — you can’t not like a guy who dresses up as Santa for Christmas — turning on his family gets him the deserved dead last spot on Tony’s henchmen list.
Patsy Parisi
Patsy (Dan Grimaldi) might not have the same level of authority as some of the others in Tony’s crew but he proved himself valuable as the family accountant. Now in terms of loyalty, well, Patsy did consider killing Tony after rightfully suspecting he was responsible for his twin brother’s murder. If that wasn’t enough to earn him a lower crew member ranking, though, peeing in Tony’s pool definitely cements his place. The man and his ducks swim in that pool for crying out loud!
Bobby Baccalieri
Bobby’s (Steve Schirripa) time beside Uncle Junior naturally puts him behind Christopher, Paulie, and Sil in terms of Tony’s most trusted advisors, but even if you just look at his time working with Tony, you can see the portrait of a loyal and good man. Which is probably why he stood out like a sore thumb or a jackass with a conductor hat. Bobby didn’t mess around on his wife and he wasn’t prone to wild outbursts of rage. He didn’t even whack a guy until season six — which was unheard of. He and Tony did drunkenly throw down in “Soprano Home Movies,” though.
Bobby might not have had the same criminal experience as Tony’s other guys, or even enjoyed the same hobbies — opting for model trains over strippers — but he was able to tap into Tony’s sensitive side, unlike the others. As pointed out by Ralph Cifaretto, “dating the boss’s sister will help a made man’s career,” so Bobby’s camaraderie was probably partly due to his family-man image and marriage to Janice.
Christopher Moltisanti
Poor Chrissy, so much potential and so many problems. Tony and Christopher (Michael Imperioli) shared a bond that was very much like a father and son, only instead of Christopher taking over the family business, he did things like get high and sit on his girlfriend’s dog. The guy disappointed Tony frequently, especially when he toyed with a career in the film industry. Whereas Tony looked at Silvio and Paulie as his criminal peers, Christopher was his mound of raw clay that he could groom and shape into the family’s future leader. Burdened with an addictive personality, Christopher’s heroin use only hindered him from moving up the ranks and resulted in him busting out his trademark apology “I’m sorry, T!” every time he botched a job.
Christopher didn’t have Paulie’s extreme short temper but he was still prone to moments of violent rage and paranoia. This bad behavior nearly cost him his life after accusing Tony of sleeping with Adriana while he was away in rehab, but he also had a way of restoring Tony’s trust, like when he chose the family over Adriana after he found out that she had gone snitch. But for as many faults as he had, Christopher loved Tony more than anybody else in the crew and would have gone to the ends of the Earth for him. Unfortunately for Christopher, he just became too much of a liability in the end and had to be put down.
Furio Giunta
Next to Silvio, Furio (Federico Castelluccio) was Tony’s most reliable man. Forget that he was never a captain in Tony’s crew and just a hired gun. Furio didn’t have problems with the other guys in the crew, never had any sort of addiction, and when it came to getting his hands dirty, the man got results. What more could a boss ask for in a right-hand man? Okay, so he was on the verge of having an affair with Carmella (Edie Falco) and only resisted pushing Tony into those helicopter blades and turning him into chopped salami because he cared so strongly about mob values. But other than that, solid wise guy.
Peter ‘Paulie Walnuts’ Gualtieri
In Paulie’s (Tony Sirico) mind, he’s definitely Tony’s #1 guy, but if we look at his track record, he undoubtedly belongs in second place. When it comes to being an old-school highly paranoid psycho who would whack a person just for something like asking for a tip, Paulie’s the guy. This both works for and against him. He’s one of Tony’s top earners, largely because he keeps his crew in line and doesn’t get sidetracked like Christopher. Speaking of Christopher, it’s impossible to talk about Paulie without mentioning their often tumultuous relationship. From refusing to apologize for sniffing Adriana’s panties to the Pine Barrens slumber party, Paulie and Christopher’s near-constant bickering was a near-constant thorn in Tony’s side.
When you take into account his botched run at joining “Johnny Sack’s” crew in season four, the guy loses a few points on the loyalty scale. Though he did, eventually, earn it back.
Silvio Dante
Level-headed and understanding, Tony couldn’t ask for a better confidant than Silvio (Steven Van Zandt) and would have likely been doomed much earlier without him. The pair had been friends since childhood and Tony regularly looked to Silvio for conflict resolution. Whenever a problem arose and Tony had an issue weighing heavily on his mind, Silvio was the one to look at the dilemma from all angles and offer Tony a solution that didn’t simply go straight for violence. (Though violence usually followed anyway.)
While the guy may have been calmer than most of Tony’s main guys, he was just as ruthless when it came to carrying out the family’s dirty deeds. After all, it was Silvio who handled two of the show’s highest-profile executions — Big Pussy and Adriana. If any further proof is needed that nobody was a friend to Tony quite like Silvio Dante, remember that it was Sil who was the most supportive and open-minded about Tony’s therapy sessions. The guy had “employee of the month” written all over him.
