Most of us remember George Costanza as a “short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man” and not a playboy — but most of us are wrong. Throughout nine seasons of Seinfeld, George managed to date 47 women. Clearly, he knew something that most don’t about playing the dating game — at least in terms of volume. So, if you’re stuck living a very non-George life (first of all, congratulations on all other aspects of your life) and you’re not very lucky in love, we suggest that you (cautiously) follow George’s lead and abundant near-wisdom when it makes sense for your romantic situation.
Always Make Sure You Have Hand
In “The Pez Dispenser,” George is beside himself due to his position in a new relationship. Simply put, he has no hand, meaning he feels like a subordinate to his new girlfriend. Obviously, any healthy relationship has something like a rotating hand where each side is respected and each party gets their way an equal amount. Imagine the opposite: Your significant other always picks the restaurant or makes the travel plans. You always have to do brunch with their friends while yours start thinking about putting out an Amber Alert for you.
The Preemptive Breakup
There’s a small chance that an attempted preemptive breakup will alert your partner to your concerns about the division of power and bring about a constructive change… because you went nuclear and it’s hard to come back from that. Here’s what a preemptive breakup is really all about: Brand (and ego) management. If you sense the looming threat of being dumped, dump your partner instead. It might seem childish, but you get to leave the relationship with your dignity still intact. It’s the same as quitting a job before you get fired, really: You get ultimate satisfaction and a better story when it comes to talking about what happened with your last relationship when interviewing for your next one.
Keep Your Worlds Separate
Relationships are an important part of life but they should never come at the cost of your independence. You need a sanctuary. You need a safe space where you and your friends can laugh at inside jokes only you understand and experience life on your terms. Once your worlds collide there is no going back. You lose ‘independent you’ and this endangers the relationship, because after all, independent you is who your S/O fell for in the first place. Without independent you, there would be no relationship.
Don’t Date Anyone Smarter Than You
This one really depends on your ego. Intellectual stimulation can help sustain a relationship, but if you’re as insecure as George Costanza, then you probably shouldn’t set your standards so high that your inferiority complex burns up your relationship from the inside out if your date beats you at a game of Trivial Pursuit.
When In Doubt, Do The Opposite
Conventional wisdom will tell you to follow your gut, stick to your guns, keep your head down and keep it real — just do what you always do because no one can be a better you than you, right? Well, what’s so great about conventional logic? Will that get you a job at the Yankees or a date with a gorgeous blonde supermodel? Has it yet? Perhaps the recurring issues in your dating life come from always doing the same things, over and over. If you’re searching for a new strategy, just subvert your own expectations and do the opposite. At the very least you’ll wind up with a few good stories to tell.
Coffee Might Not Be Coffee
If it’s midnight and you’re on a date that is going well and the person you’re with asks you if you would you like to come up for coffee, say yes. While George believes this automatically means his date was implying sex, he might be wrong. However, since she wanted to continue the date and they were having such a good time, why not keep the night alive? She might have only meant coffee when she said coffee, and that is fine, but it’s the not knowing if coffee meant sex that threw George into a spiral of regret that drove him insane for a week. You don’t wanna live with that.
Stay On Their Mind
George was a fan of the arts. He knew all about the power of song and was able to harness it not only by singing on his answering machine, but by turning his last name into a memorable jingle: ‘Costanza.’ This is a solid tactic. I first heard the Costanza jingle 20 years ago and it’s still stuck in my head. Of course, if this doesn’t work you might need something a bit more subtle — like a ‘Leave behind.’ George left behind a Sable hat but anything works from your keys to an iPhone or maybe even a messenger bag. It’s nice to have a built-in reason to see someone again. Especially if you didn’t do a great job making a first impression. Think of it as nudging fate along a little.
