Everyone’s got that certain co-worker — they’re not quite your friend, they’re not quite your enemy. You might not go so far as to sabotage their work, but that doesn’t mean you don’t sit quietly hoping that their projects fail just so you can smugly drop in an “told you so” before moving on with your day. In Silicon Valley (available to stream anytime on HBO Now), Dinesh (Kumail Nanjiani) and Gilfoyle (Martin Starr) are these co-workers. They’re constantly at each other’s throats, despite the fact that they both share the same goal: beat Hooli at their own game and give the world a superior piece of compression software.
Ultimately, the fact that they’re the ultimate frenemies ends up pushing each of them beyond their limits, and, in their own unique way, they help Pied Piper be a better company as a result. For those moments when you need some encouragement, here are the best Dinesh/Gilfoyle exchanges to help you get the most out of your relationship with your most combative co-worker.
“At least we’ll make a little money doing it.” – Dinesh
“Oh, great. So, you can go back to the car wash and buy some more chains. Huh, Pakistani Mr. T?” – Gilfoyle
Once things finally start looking up for Pied Piper, Dinesh goes out and decides to buy something nice for himself. At least, something that he thinks is nice. While one never wants to be a monster and decimate someone for their poor fashion choices, sometimes you just have to come out and say something out of sheer kindness. After all, a subtle observation at the tail end of a normal conversation can help set them on the right path. That’s just elementary decency, right there.
“Look who just right-swiped me on Tinder. Karen. She’s cute.” – Dinesh
“Says here that she’s looking for a man on the go. You don’t ‘go’ anywhere.” – Gilfoyle
Let’s not pretend that it isn’t fun to dim someone’s optimism a shade. Sure, if you do it all the time, you’re a joyless psychopath (even if that’s the place from which your joy springs), but if you do it only now and then to keep your friend on their toes, it’s fine. No more harmless than catching a firefly in a bottle and flicking it until its light goes out. Right?
“Did you see that? She gave me her hat.” – Dinesh
“Pretend you’ve seen a woman before.” – Gilfoyle
It’s a common misconception that all pep talks have to contain some kind of uplifting message or be otherwise uplifting. After Dinesh has a brief, flirtatious conversation with a girl at the Homicide Energy Drink headquarters, he can’t help but get a little excited. Gilfoyle, as always, is there to throw some cold water on it, but you can’t deny that he’s being a pal by letting Dinesh know, in his own way, that he needs to turn away from the rom-com montage playing in his head and act like he’s got some experience with the opposite sex. If anyone’s going to completely derail a meet-cute, it’s Gilfoyle.
“Inferior products win out all the time.” – Dinesh
“Like Jesus over Satan.” – Gilfoyle
“I was going to say VHS over Beta.” – Dinesh
Richard is quick to point out Pied Piper’s superior technology when the guys at Pied Piper start to worry about Hooli’s Nucleus and the possibility that it may beat them to market but Dinesh reminds everyone that, in reality, consumers won’t care about such things — and Gilfoyle’s right there to back him up with his own choice metaphor. This moment not only proves that Dinesh and Gilfoyle have differing levels of intensity, but it shows how you don’t necessarily have to have the same point of reference as those around you to agree on a point. Though you can probably get around it by being a little less awkward, and maybe skipping the Satan reference altogether.
“My hardware handled everything else just fine.” – Gilfoyle
“It caught f*cking fire!” – Dinesh
Competition is a big part of any office friendship, and when the chips are down, everyone comes together to help make a project come together. It’s only when the project is finally over that you can circle back and playfully criticize everything your office frenemy did wrong, and maybe even look back and laugh at the whole thing. Point being: Savor the rivalry like Dinesh and Gilfoyle do, and by all means, take great pleasure when you can let a little air out of someone’s boast.
“Hey, has anyone heard from Richard? Should I text him to see how the arbitration’s going?” – Dinesh
“Uh, you can. But right now it’s going both well and poorly. And if you get definitive information back and it’s bad, I could argue that you have effectively caused us to lose the arbitration.” – Gilfoyle
Always strive to provide your pal with a different perspective. In this instance, a reference to Schrodinger’s Cat and the inference that Dinesh might be on the cusp of ruining everything the Pied Piper team has been working toward all because of a simple well meaning act.
“The history of humanity is a book written in blood. We’re all just animals in a pit.” – Gilfoyle
“F*cking Gilfoyle.” – Dinesh
If you needed to summarize the Dinesh/Gilfoyle dynamic in one simple exchange, this might be the top contender. With Gilfoyle’s nihilistic, Satanist worldview, delivered in his trademark droll monotone with nary a facial expression, Dinesh’s response can only be delivered with a heavy sigh and a pretty hefty eye roll. Sometimes there’s just nothing else that needs to be said.
