TV

The ‘Succession’ Seven: A Snake Is Slithering In The Grass

The Succession Seven is a weekly power ranking of people and things on television’s most power-obsessed show. The rankings are not scientific, not even a little, and could fluctuate wildly from week to week. It’s all very subjective. And it’s my list. So, there.

UNRANKED

Shiv — It feels strange to bump Shiv from the rankings proper. Wrong. Blasphemous even. She’s the smartest and most competent of the Roys, which isn’t saying much given the competition, but still. You only have to beat the other team on the field, you know? It’s not your fault if they’re an incompetent crew of diaper-filling goofuses. And yet, here we are. Her father spent most of the episode dodging her after the slip-ups of the last few weeks (dinner with the Pierces, various dinosaur debacles in front of other billionaires), and then she got blindsided by Rhea. This will come up again shortly. Shiv will come up again shortly too, in the rankings, one assumes. This is a temporary setback. It is a doozy, though. But Kendall attempted a mutiny and then did cocaine and killed a guy and he’s about to be number seven this week. Things change, is my point.

Tom — $50 says Tom ends up in prison before next season is over.

Naomi Pierce — Almost made the rankings just for her excellent display of peer pressure in the cold open and for the thing where I want her and Kendall to have a million little demon children as soon as possible.

Gerri — Slow week for Gerri. Still the best.

Sandy and Stewy — Not one single second of screen time between them and they still steered the action completely with a short video clip and an empty hot dog bun. They really almost made it. There just wasn’t room. There are wet-junked pilots to get to and Sandy and his syphilis just can’t compete.

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