Just when you think that SyFy couldn’t possibly outdo itself in terms of ridiculous monster ideas and casting choices, along comes Lavalantula. Not only is this a made-for-TV movie about the city of Los Angeles being attacked by giant tarantulas that breathe fire, but in addition to Nia Peeples and radio impressionist and actor Ralph Garman (among his many celebrity voices, he apparently does Taylor Lautner, which I imagine is just a lot of mouth breathing and ab flexing), Lavalantula will reportedly star at least three cast members from the original Police Academy movie. And don’t worry – one of them is the man, the myth, the legend… Steve Guttenberg. Nice to see the Stonecutters back in action.
Joining Guttenberg are Leslie Easterbrook and Michael Winslow, who played Sgt. Callahan and Larvell Jones, respectively, but if you ask me, they should make it a Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment reunion and sign Tim Kazurinsky to bring back Sweetchuck. Also, in the end, they somehow have to include the ghosts of Moses Hightower and Tackleberry, because it’s all about keeping it classy.
Lavalantula is set to air next summer, but we’d like to kindly ask that it not debut as part of Spider Week. Sharks are bad enough, so let’s not go celebrating dry land’s most terrifying little monsters, too.