David Letterman has been doing Top 10 lists since before it was cool (since 1985, to be exact). While we can’t claim to have found the absolute best Top 10 lists ever featured on his shows over the past 30 years, we’ve watched more hours of them on YouTube than we care to admit. From that diligent research comes this Top 10 list of David Letterman Top 10 lists… listception!
Top 10 Final Words Of Osama Bin Laden
How topical! On the day that Bin Laden was taken out by special forces, Letterman threw together an amusing list of last words by the terrorist leader.
Our No. 1: “Any man with multiple wives welcomes death, am I right, fellas?”
Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your iPhone
Read by the voice of Siri herself, Susan Bennett!
Our No. 1: “Text message from Anthony Weiner.”
Top 10 Things That Sound Cool When Spoken By Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime makes almost anything he says sound cool. Sadly, that wasn’t enough to save Michael Bay’s Transformers films.
Our No. 1: “Man, do I loves me some ‘taters!”
Top 10 Highlights of Sarah Palin’s Trip To New York
Late night show writers must miss Sarah Palin terribly. Here’s an example of how they could turn any Palin-related news into comedy gold.
Our No. 1: “Keyed Tina Fey’s car.”
Top 10 Reasons Why TV Is Better Than Books
A classic ’80s Top 10 list. I apologize to anyone younger than 30 who has no idea what half the references mean, and I urge them to search for details about the life of Hugh Downs.
Our No. 1: “TV is easier to spell than books.”
Top 10 Things Mick Jagger Has Learned After 50 Years In Music
So many celebrity Top 10 lists fall flat because they can’t read or have crappy comedic timing. Not Mick Jagger, that glorious talented bastard.
Our No. 1: “Be considerate of other hotel guests. Trash your room by 10 p.m.”
Stephen Colbert’s Top 10 Cocktails For Santa
Apparently, Stephen Colbert applied to be a writer on The Late Show in 1997, and this is the Top 10 list he sent in when trying to get hired.
Our No. 1: “Mama said nog you out; three fingers of egg nog, one finger of ether.”
Top 10 Little Known Facts About Justin Bieber
From Justin’s pre-scumbag era. This one is great if only because Letterman gets some primo Bieber digs in.
Our No. 1: “It’s a hairpiece!”
Top 10 Questions People Have About ObamaCare
This one takes us back to 2013 and the moment America disintegrated because ObamaCare came into effect.
Our No. 1: “If everyone has health care coverage, won’t it stop being cool?”
Top 10 Celebrity Top 10 Lists
Our Top 10 list wouldn’t be complete without Letterman’s Top 10 list of special Top 10 lists, also known as the ones where he had guest celebrities read the entries. Barack Obama, Puff Daddy, and Barry White all make appearances!
Our No. 1: “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!” — Sean “P-Diddy” Combs