For the first time in a long time it seemed like an episode of True Blood was about as focused and succinct as it could be, with all of the show’s eleventy billion characters inserted into two specific plot lines. While the vampires were all trying to take down Sarah Newlin and the camp, thanks to Eric Northman’s Warlow-blood-fueled rampage and Bill fulfilling his strange and possibly misguided prophecy, everyone else in town was paying respects to Terry Bellefleur.
Of course, with such a succinct episode, we also have less to talk about, what with Terry’s funeral being pretty straightforward and the vampire/human war escalating to its most heated point, but nevertheless we dive face first into the sixth season’s 9th episode, “Life Matters,” with just one episode remaining.
True or False: Terry’s funeral was pretty sweet, you know, for a subplot to a massive war brewing between humans and vampires.
I know that the writers were trying to tug on our heart strings here, but the problem with Terry was that he was so flawed and ultimately doomed, that we knew for a long time that he’d meet his end and finally find peace. So to keep jumping back into recaps dealing with everyone’s feelings for him and how they all helped bring him from psychotic recluse to that dude on the fryer was very distracting. It was sweet, but it was very distracting.
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True or False: Sookie isn’t very comfortable talking around people, but she’ll sleep with just about anyone.
Originally, I wanted to call this funeral the Who’s Who of Who Sookie Hasn’t Slept With, because it seemed like apart from Alcide, Terry’s service was ripe for her to finish off every man in the town. But that would be fictional slut shaming and I can’t endorse that.
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True or False: Alcide has really bad timing.
Here I thought Alcide’s season couldn’t get any worse, but then he shows up to Terry’s funeral and spends the whole time hitting on Sookie. Meanwhile, Sookie has to know that something’s wrong with Jason by this point, but she’s just like, “I ain’t heard from him in a few days, y’all.” He’s clearly vampire food, Sookie, you leg spreadin’ schmuck.
True or False: Warlow’s not okay.
Gut feeling on that one.
True or False: Terry’s grandmother is the worst.
I don’t like to encourage violence against the elderly, but Terry’s grandma at least deserves a broken ankle for her racist BS. Put a filter on that sh*t, lady.
True or False: The only flashback worth a lick was Lafayette teaching Terry the deep fryer dance.
I don’t mean to take away from the funeral service, but the Lafayette bit was the only part that didn’t have me running my thumb over the fast forward button.
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True or False: Eric’s return to camp was such a tease.
How do you show Eric rolling up to camp and staring down all those guards and then only give us a bunch of arms and other body parts scattered on the ground? We’ve spent all season waiting for this so-called war and we just got robbed of the best part.
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True or False: Oh, the mad doctor met the most wonderful demise. Twice.
Okay, this made up for that last one, because I’ve been patiently awaiting the mad doctor’s death for every minute of this season. Between Eric ripping his genitalia off and Bill stomping his head into the ground, I don’t think I could have been happier.
True or False: Eric is the best at justice. I don’t think the shrink agrees, but he is.
Holding the shrink for Pam was some evil stuff by Eric, that’s for sure. But I was disappointed that Pam didn’t get a better kill scene.
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True or False: Bill might not be a god, but he takes care of his own.
Between the crucifixion and Pieta poses, that is some serious Jesus imagery right there.
I love the contrast between Eric and Bill, and what lengths they’ll go to for their progenies. Eric will slaughter dozens of people and encourage vampires to keep killing, but Bill will give his own life to keep Jessica and the others from burning alive. Both are baller moves, and I’m not the type of person who ever uses the term baller.
True or False: Bill is cheating death. That never ends well.
By letting Jessica’s new hippie boyfriend save his life, Bill avoided death and I can’t imagine that Lillith is going to be too pleased with that. But he also needs to have his run-in with Warlow, and I don’t think the war is even really done with all that Tru Blood out there. Plus, it’s Bill. He’s not dying anytime soon.
True or False: Steve Newlin finally got his and still made it awkward as all hell.
I really thought that Steve would be one of those characters that perpetually deserves to die but never does, but it looks like Eric had enough of his traitorous crap, because that is one crispy vampire. But at least his last words will haunt Jason Stackhouse.
True or False: Jason is such a wuss.
Meanwhile, Sarah Newlin is going to be that character that gets to live, and I’m fine with that because she has earned it with her psychotic desire to murder the vampire species in the name of Jesus.
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True or False: Eric went to go have some more fun.
Where oh where is Eric off to next? I hope it’s Disney.
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On the next and final episode of the season: We are owed one hell of a finale that includes more than two seconds of Warlow, who we spent the first four episodes waiting to do anything remotely interesting, and Sarah either needs to get hers or give out more than anyone has ever given. I hope it’s the latter, because Anna Camp cannot be killed off.
