As I’m sure you’ve seen by now, Josh went ahead and revealed the best of part of this week’s episode of True Blood from me like the big, ol’ bully that he is, so we’ll just have to pretend that he didn’t do that so I can openly profess my love for Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll) like the good nerdy Internet blogger that I am. Oh, and we can talk about the rest of this week’s episode of True Blood, “You’re No Good”, while we’re at it, since that is the point of this whole thing.
If we learned one thing from “You’re No Good”, the third episode of the sixth season, it’s that as much as he wants to be God, Bill just hasn’t made it that far yet. But that’s not gonna stop him from doing what he thinks he needs to do to save his kin from the governor’s camps that we still don’t know much about.
Let’s analyze what happened and predict what will happen next, as well as make fun of stupid Jason Stackhouse, in this week’s episode recap and game of rhetorical True Blood True or False.
True or False: Bill gives the best instructions in the history of the world forever and ever.
(GIF via)
True or False: Seriously.
Is there an Emmy for making my heart pitter patter? Because Deborah Ann Woll gets all of them.
(GIFs via)
True or False: That still doesn’t mean that Bill is God.
So far this season, the writers and new showrunner Brian Buckner are doing a great job of building the suspense around the eventual revelation of what Bill is becoming ever since his little otherworld powwow with Lillith. But suspense also sucks after a while and I’d prefer to get this whole vampire concentration camp storyline rolling along with some human vs. vampire war, as we’ve been promised.
(GIFs via)
True or False: The governor’s daughter didn’t really tell Eric that much.
We already know that Eric has an appointment with the vampire camp coming sooner or later, thanks to Bill’s vision of the future. But Eric doesn’t know that, so he thought that kidnapping Governor Burrell’s vampire-friendly daughter with the promise of eventually killing her was a good idea. Aside from the revelation that Burrell used some money to secretly open a vampire prison/research laboratory (AKA the camp), Willa didn’t reveal much, but at least we know that the governor’s hatred stems from his wife’s affair with a vampire. Isn’t that how all wars begin?
(GIFs via)
True or False: Eric is spreading himself too thin with the ladies.
Thanks to his kidnapping job, Eric may have effectively pushed Pam and Tara over the edge, especially when he knowingly allowed Governor Burrell to trace his phone call. That’s why Tara bolted with Willa to God knows where, leading Eric and Pam on a hunt now. Eric may be trying to fight back against the threat of human war, but holy moly he’s disorganized.
Also, what’s going to happen to Ginger when the governor arrives? *gulp* Poor girl could have used a little action.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Irony is hilariously beautiful.
The Rev. Steve Newlin once wanted to torch Godric in public because of his hatred of the vampire community, and now he’s one of the first residents of the governor’s secret vampire camp, where he is being tortured for his knowledge of Eric. Of course, Steve thinks that his ex-wife, Sarah, is there to help him, but he’s incredibly wrong, and she just wanted to stop in and say hello before the doctor forces him to spill the beans.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Sookie and Bill aren’t seeing eye-to-eye.
The reason that Bill had Jessica sexily kidnap the professor was so that he could synthesize Sookie’s faery blood, which Bill believes he needs in order to save everyone. Except there are two halves to that equation and Bill actually needs Sookie to give up her blood. Kind of hard to do that when she wants nothing to do with the vampire savior.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Sookie’s not actually dead to Bill.
Bill can tell Sookie that she’s dead to him all he wants, but that’s no fun. He’ll get her blood one way or another.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Something very interesting is going to happen to Jason.
Jason’s worthlessness is peaking with his strange headaches that he attributes to all of the concussions that he suffered while playing football (topical!), but he’s left in a miserable heap on the floor of Sookie’s house as Warlow’s presence goes closer, so something is bound to happen with the skipped faery generation, right?
Also, I’m convinced that the wardrobe people make him wear a shirt that has Louisiana on it because the character needs a constant reminder of where he is.
(GIFs via)
True or False: But no, it’s not “go time”, Jason.
Sigh. It’s apparently not going to be go time anytime soon.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Faery Grandfather or Faery King or whatever is really bad at recruiting an army.
As much as I love the addition of Rutger Hauer as the king of the faeries and Sookie’s grandfather, his purpose right now, as he reveals in “You’re No Good”, is to recruit other fae for an army to fight off the mysterious Warlow. Great. So go out and do that!
Instead, he visits the invisible faery camp where Warlow recently slaughtered three or four faeries, and he returns to Sookie’s home with Ben, who we still know very little about, except that he has the strange ability to get into Sookie’s head.
And, of course, it’s Nora who has been outside spying on Sookie’s home, because she’s looking for Warlow, too. So instead of finally revealing Warlow and getting to the good stuff, we’re just going to keep tying more characters into his plot.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Ivy League dude is just the worst.
I really don’t know where this werewolf plot is going, but I could have watched Rikki maul Nicole’s stupid boyfriend, Jesse, for an entire episode. “Actually, I went to Penn.” Well, actually you’re dead now.
(GIFs via)
True or False: That’s why Lafayette’s the best.
I wish Lafayette would have plugged Jesse when he had the chance.
(GIFs via)
True or False: Andy’s daughters seemed pointless at first.
But of course Bill’s going to go after them next. Maybe it’ll happen while Andy is getting reacquainted with Holly, because even the sheriff needs to get laid every once in a while.
