Zoo (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) – I’m fully aware I’m the only person on the Internet watching this show, but guys, you have to watch this show. It’s so bad that it actually breathes life into my body. On tonight’s episode, “Abraham comes to the rescue of Mitch and Chloe after they are kidnapped by a local drug lord while searching for a solution to the bat problem in Rio de Janeiro.” Couple things about that: One, the “bat problem” refers to a thing where dozens of kamikaze bats took out power to the city by flying into power lines and blowing themselves up. Two, the episode before, the bats went to great lengths to kill two lesbian scientists in Antarctica. Watch Zoo.
CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) – One day, I’m gonna need a full count of the number of primetime country music award shows and tributes that happen on network television in a calendar year. If the number is under 20, I’ll eat a cowboy boot. My promise to you.
JFK & LBJ: A Time for Greatness (PBS, 9:00 p.m.) – A PBS special about LBJ and JFK’s work to push through the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Voting Rights Act. Get some culture for once in your life, you bungholes.
Rizzoli & Isles (TNT, 9:00 p.m.) – The team investigates the death of a jeweler. Also, Maura has a secret! Hopefully her secret is revealing if she’s Rizzoli or Isles, because I got nothing here.
Playing House (USA, 9:00 p.m.) – Playing House, which returns for a second season with back-to-back episodes, is a delightful little show starring Lennon Parham and Jessica St. Clair, the latter of whom you may know as Andy Daly’s tormented wife on Review or as Marissa Wompler on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast. Worth a shot!
Tyrant (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Tonight, according to TV Guide, “Jamal grows more paranoid as he begins to question Rami’s loyalty,” which I’m assuming means something to the people who are still watching Tyrant?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Fallon has Don Rickles, Kate Mara and Penn and Teller; Meyers has Craig Robinson, Michael Ian Black, and Christina Tosi; Corden has Chef Gordon Ramsay, his daughter Matilda Ramsay, and Josh Charles; Wilmore has Lennon Parham, Jessica St. Clair, and Mike Yard; Conan has Ryan Reynolds and Judy Greer, and Stewart has Denis Leary on his third-to-last show ever.
