If you haven’t yet watched Lifetime’s Unauthorized Full House Story, you’re (sort of) in luck. The cable network has the movie on heavy rotation this weekend. As such, the viewing masses can repeatedly watch the scandalous back story of the late 1980s and early 1990s show that captured the zeitgeist of the feel-good, bad-hair times. Unfortunately, the back story wasn’t so scandalous; instead, it was a filler Lifetime piece meant to ride the Fuller House wave of goodwill.
Then again, it’s difficult to be scandalous on the subject of Danny Tanner. As we learned, “Bob’s superpower is monogamy.” (Bob Saget does tell dirty jokes in real life, no?) The unauthorized movie sent its audience straight into bizarro land by placing the Tanner’s front door on the wrong (right) side of the tv set. They also effed up DJ’s prom dress (making it black instead of gold). Even worse, not much of the Full House spirit made it into the Lifetime flick. Here’s the quickie lowdown, and then we’ll get to reactions:
MILD SPOILER ALERT.
What we learned about John Stamos: He dated everyone, including Lori Loughlin (before she was cast on the show) and Paula Abdul (he wasn’t into her). He loved his hairstyle and Elvis. He thought his career was over before Full House arrived. Oh, and he really did try to get the Olsen twins fired.
What we learned about Bob Saget: He allegedly insisted that Danny Tanner should be obsessed with cleanliness. He told Coulier, “I’m a sexual athlete, Dave, not a fortune teller.” He also kinda loathed Full House until it was cancelled with only an episode’s notice.
What we learned about Dave Coulier: He almost landed a spot on SNL. He was obsessed with phones (loved caller ID, hated bad news and put the phone in the microwave) and delivered annoying phone impressions in “real life.”
What we learned about all three men: They enjoyed whipped cream fights after hours. (Scandal.)
As of this moment, the #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory hashtag is bubbling on Twitter. The cast hopped right in with their own reactions, including Candace Cameron Bure. She previously insisted that she would not watch the movie but couldn’t help herself:
So bad. Just so bad.
— Candace Cameron Bure (@candacecbure) August 23, 2015
John Stamos kept things classy and wished J. Michael Gaston luck in portraying the hair:
https://twitter.com/JohnStamos/status/635136605905223680
Andrea Barber was not a fan of the desecration of Kimmy Gibbler’s memory:
Basically I'm going to be making this face all night. pic.twitter.com/j0yG1PkxHN
— Andrea Barber (@andreabarber) August 23, 2015
Meanwhile, Jeff Franklin (creator of both Full House and Fuller House) didn’t love the film:
About that lifetime movie. Not so good. And for the record, I never had a fight with bob Saget. But at least they spelled our names right!
— Jeff Franklin (@fullhouseguy) August 23, 2015
Elsewhere on Twitter, the Uncle Jesse fans showed their allegiance:
https://twitter.com/blacksuga16/status/635263264646164480
ps. the #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory. #YourLifeYourTimeLifetime. #SoManyWigs #CutItOut pic.twitter.com/tnyd0Nfc1U
— Jason Rogel (@jasonrogel) August 23, 2015
https://twitter.com/PortMiamiMike/status/635500427254071296
Most people on Twitter agreed that the unauthorized bio was pure trash:
https://twitter.com/ilanabrown23/status/635325588933218304
The only positive thing from this is Stephanie. Looks just like her #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory
— Angela✌️☮️ (@Angerlaa) August 23, 2015
https://twitter.com/StuckOnMyThrone/status/635324697614282753
The actor playing @DaveCoulier looks more like the real Jeff Franklin than Coulier 😒 #UnauthorizedFullHouse #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory
— Dana Grace (@Dana283) August 23, 2015
https://twitter.com/AshleyLvs2Tweet/status/635327611489636352
https://twitter.com/AndrewBriedis/status/635317304906092544
Are they really playing Gin Blossoms right now?! #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory
— Robyn Ross (@RobynRossTV) August 23, 2015
In the movie, it seemed Bob Saget suggested Danny Tanner become a neat freak, but the tell-all afterwards said he hated it. #FullHouse
— Susan aka Shoshana (@SusieTVaddict) August 23, 2015
Jodie Sweetin: What's a stripper pole? Bob Saget: Hopefully a career path you'll never have to follow. #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory
— Carrie (@nerdgrlmd) August 23, 2015
DJ's prom dress was gold, not black! What the hell?! #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory #UnauthorizedFullHouse @candacecbure
— Dana Grace (@Dana283) August 23, 2015
Wow, this movie was a big fat fail. #UnauthorizedFullHouse #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory
— Dana Grace (@Dana283) August 23, 2015