If you haven’t yet watched Lifetime’s Unauthorized Full House Story, you’re (sort of) in luck. The cable network has the movie on heavy rotation this weekend. As such, the viewing masses can repeatedly watch the scandalous back story of the late 1980s and early 1990s show that captured the zeitgeist of the feel-good, bad-hair times. Unfortunately, the back story wasn’t so scandalous; instead, it was a filler Lifetime piece meant to ride the Fuller House wave of goodwill.
Then again, it’s difficult to be scandalous on the subject of Danny Tanner. As we learned, “Bob’s superpower is monogamy.” (Bob Saget does tell dirty jokes in real life, no?) The unauthorized movie sent its audience straight into bizarro land by placing the Tanner’s front door on the wrong (right) side of the tv set. They also effed up DJ’s prom dress (making it black instead of gold). Even worse, not much of the Full House spirit made it into the Lifetime flick. Here’s the quickie lowdown, and then we’ll get to reactions:
MILD SPOILER ALERT.
What we learned about John Stamos: He dated everyone, including Lori Loughlin (before she was cast on the show) and Paula Abdul (he wasn’t into her). He loved his hairstyle and Elvis. He thought his career was over before Full House arrived. Oh, and he really did try to get the Olsen twins fired.
What we learned about Bob Saget: He allegedly insisted that Danny Tanner should be obsessed with cleanliness. He told Coulier, “I’m a sexual athlete, Dave, not a fortune teller.” He also kinda loathed Full House until it was cancelled with only an episode’s notice.
What we learned about Dave Coulier: He almost landed a spot on SNL. He was obsessed with phones (loved caller ID, hated bad news and put the phone in the microwave) and delivered annoying phone impressions in “real life.”
What we learned about all three men: They enjoyed whipped cream fights after hours. (Scandal.)
As of this moment, the #UnauthorizedFullHouseStory hashtag is bubbling on Twitter. The cast hopped right in with their own reactions, including Candace Cameron Bure. She previously insisted that she would not watch the movie but couldn’t help herself:
John Stamos kept things classy and wished J. Michael Gaston luck in portraying the hair:
Andrea Barber was not a fan of the desecration of Kimmy Gibbler’s memory:
Meanwhile, Jeff Franklin (creator of both Full House and Fuller House) didn’t love the film:
Elsewhere on Twitter, the Uncle Jesse fans showed their allegiance:
Most people on Twitter agreed that the unauthorized bio was pure trash: